Three Peas in a Pod

My Day

2005-01-22T21:45:00.000-05:00

How do you do it?

People ask me that all the time, so I decided to keep a good journal for one day. Keep in mind that at this developmental stage they require 1.5 hours of tummy time daily. Nicholas has been diagnosed with torticollis and requires lots of physical therapy. Here's my day for January 6, 2005:

6:20A: Tyler starts fussing. I console hime and give him his pacifier a few times. He goes back to sleep. Nick starts fussing in response to Tyler and is also consoled.

7:25A: Tyler is officially awake! Since it's after 7A, I pick him up and bring him downstairs. Just as I get his diaper off Nicholas starts screaming bloody murder -- he's peed through his clothes. A comedy follows with me trying to console, change, and get socks for babies. We eventually end up on the couch, both babies in boppies, for our morning feeding.

8A: Activity hour begins. I put Nicholas in the batting cage (with a bib strategically placed under his head) while I continue feeding Tyler his last ounce. Then I put Tyler down on the blanket on his back while I wash bottles.

8:10A: Sure enough, Nicholas lost some of his feeding -- but the bib caught it. Score one for Mom! Tummy time begins. I get Nicholas to turn his head to both sides by using the octopus. Tyler is completely intrigued by the busy board. I get a snack of a yogurt smoothie and 2 clementines.

8:30A: Both babies begin to tire of tummy time. I take turns doing baby pushups with them while the other is on his back or tummy. I make sure to do Nicholas' neck stretches despite his protests, and I let him rest on his right side as the physical therapist recommended.

8:50A: Nicholas is really tired of tummy time now. I put Tyler in the batting cage while I give Nicholas a pacifier and snuggle on the couch, but he just keeps screaming. I finally realize he wants more food -- his does his patented "ten sucks and fall asleep" routine. I put him in the nap nest with a baby blanket.

8:55A: Time to put Tyler down. I manage to get another two ounces in him and put him to sleep in the nap nest with his brother.

9A: Astro comes to relieve me for a two hour nap (heaven!)

11:10A: I come down after my nap to find both babies still asleep. Astroinforms me that the are really asleep "again", not "still". They've each been up and had two more ounces of milk and good tummy time, and they just went down. I realize that I'm really hungry and make myself a huge lunch while Astro tells me about her plans for the rest of her day. We each make a "business" phone call to try to get things off our task lists.

12N: Babies are still napping, but Tyler starts making noise. I'm emptying the dishwasher when I realize he isn't going to stop without attention. I go into the den and give him his pookie, which he promptly spit out. I notice that Nicholas is still sleeping soundly and Tyler has tired eyse, so I decide to stay within his sight line while continuing to give him his pookie. I start writing while sitting on the back of the couch. I pull out a banana to defrost so I can make banana bread tomorrow. I also start pulling down dirty clothes, beginning the weekly laundry ritual.

12:25P: Tyler decides his nap is officially complete. His screaming disturbs his brother but Nicholas is mollified with a pacifier. Tyler takes 2.5 ounces before I put him in the batting cage.

12:40P: Nicholas is ready for food. While I get the bottle I notice that I didn't finish emptying the dishwasher. I know that Nicholas won't mind a little extra air time, so I finish now. He eats and I put him in the batting cage.

12:55P: Tyler has pooped his pants. As I change him I realize I really need to refill the wipe container and Nicholas starts screaming. I put Tyler down for his tummy time and pick up Nicholas, who finishes his bottle before I put him back in the batting cage.

1:15P: Tyler tiring of tummy time and having trouble rolling over. I flip him while I take Nicholas' empty to the kitchen and run upstairs for more wipes. Also empty upstairs diaper pail and refill dishwasher.

1:20P: Flip Tyler back over onto his tummy. He's very fussy, so when I put Nicholas down I do baby pushups with him. He really enjoys sitting on my lap and chest. Nicholas is having a hard time with tummy time.

1:45P: Feed Tyler more milk and turn Nicholas over. We snuggle and I put him in his car seat with his arms through the straps, but not buckled. I regret to say this is pretty much my only sneaky mom trick.

1:50P: Nicholas has a complete meltdown. He's been arching his back this whole feed/play cycle so I'm betting he has gas. I give him some tummy drops and we snuggle sitting up until he calms. I put him in his car seat and notice that Tyler is already half asleep.

2P: Tyler completely asleep; Nicholas quietly resting in car seat. Get myself ready for our outing (consignment store for socaks and bottles, then a department store for thank-you cards). Start laundry, package babies, and go on outing.

2:15-5P: Shopping. Nicholas cries at second stop and sucks down half a bottle.

5-5:30P: Astro helps with feeding -- formula this time because we only have one breastmilk bottle left. Tyler had really good eats. Then into the batting cage. I showed Astro all my finds and put the new toys and bottles in dishwasher to sterilize. Neck stretches for Nicholas.

5:50P: Tummy time begins. Everyone hates it.

6:15-6:45P: Air bath. I do footprints for January 2005. Nicholas very wiggly.

6:45P: Sleepy calls -- wants to go to the recruiting dinner. Astro says OK, as long as she's in bed by 11. I dress babies and put them in the batting cage. Go upstairs to get directions.

7:10P: Babies need food before the dinner. Sleepy helps me feed them, and then we're off.

Babies fall asleep in the car on the way to the dinner and don't wake up through the whole thing. We get them home and in bed without and major tragedies.

Money Making Idea

2004-12-31T01:13:00.000-05:00

There should really be a set of stick people available for insertion into web pages and presentations. Something like the "string beings", but even more basic ... something that looks like I could have drawn it. It should be easy to change the angles of their appendages, or all variations should be available. I would, of course, make it free and easily available, but I understand that others may want to make money from it.

I mention this because having such a set of stick figures available would make it a lot easier to describe how I just found my babies in the crib.

Also, I'm typing this without benefit of glasses. Sorry for any misspellings.

All Thumbs

2004-12-10T04:12:00.000-05:00

Both babies began trying to find their thumbs today, and they are partly successful. Now, by thumbs I mean "any part of my hand to suck on". The problem is that they find their thumb, suck for about ten seconds, get really excited that they found their thumb, wave their arms excitedly (which causes the thumb to pop out of the mouth), and then get frustrated because they can't suck their thumb anymore. It's amusing.

One moment. HalfCat has decided that she must be petted RIGHT NOW! She is going to lay on my fingers until I give in.

Tie-red

2004-12-09T01:11:00.000-05:00

I've decided that "tired" should be pronounced like "tie-red". That way "tie-red Tyler" sounds much better. And doesn't it look like it should have two syllables anyway? English is a very odd language.

I wonder why boys 5 and older have to live in the boys camp at Michigan Women's Festival. How did they decided that five was the age to make the cutoff? Don't kids start knowing their gender at three? I understand the "no penisis on the land" rule, and it kindof makes sense, but I challenge someone to tell me the difference between a four-year-old and a five-year-old penis. I have certainly earned my feminist card and I could argue this until the cows come home. What's so scary about a five-year-old penis that isn't scary about a four-year-old penis?

If the kind folks at Macromedia release an updater that screws up the very feature they sold the version for, what happens? Absolutely nothing, is what. Except I get very frustrated and move all my web services to a different server because no one -- and I mean no one -- can get them to work with the new updater (that we need so something else works) and the folks at MACR refuse to acknowledge and fix the problem. It could be because they fired most of their Cold Fusion developers and hired lots of Flash people. It's this sort of thing that makes companies think that ASP is better than CF, folks.

How can two kids wake up within ten seconds of each other after having been apart for eight hours, and asleep for four of them? It must be that mystical twin connection they keep talking about.

I need to spend more social time with adults. I leave the kids and get into work, but I only have about a half hour with adults (most of whom I wouldn't spend any time with in any other context) before they leave and I'm all alone again. I need to schedule some social outings for myself to reconnect with the adult world. Preferably adults without infants. I don't think I could handle all the advice and "mommy myth" crap at a twins mom meeting right now.

I thank god(dess) for the inventor of the pacifier. Can we nominate this individual for sainthood, or at least a large government pension? I used to say that my kid wouldn't use one, but Tyler really likes it. And I guess he needs it, since he loves it and Nicholas doesn't. He has a high non-nutritive sucking need. It's nice to see the difference between them because then I don't feel like I'm just giving him the pooky to shut him up -- it's clear that he actually needs it. Anyway. As soon as he can reliably find his mouth with his fingers all the binkies will be lost. It'll be a tough few days but he'll learn.

Why do people believe that sucking your thumb is so much better than sucking pacifiers? I sucked my thumb until I was ten! My little sister had her pacifier until she was six. Both of us had teeth so bad they required braces so we could eat normally as adults. Some of us just have bad teeth. At least the thumb is always available. Then again, you're reading a woman who still sleeps with her baby blanket.

Why do pacifiers come in such odd shapes? And why are the odd shapes "orthodontic"? It seems to me that if you're putting something in your baby's mouth it should be as close as possible to the real thing. I've seen lots of nipples (but particularly Sleepy's when she's nursing) and it doesn't look at all orthodontic. I'm sticking with the cheap, nipple-looking pacifiers.

I've spent far too much time thinking, and blogging, about pacifiers.

I guess Nicholas is going to sleep a little while longer than Tyler tonight. I'll go back to bed and he'll wake up. I call it baby juju.

Sleeping Hard

2004-12-04T02:24:00.000-05:00

Man, but these babies are sleeping tonight. Their one-hour walk seems to have been unusually effective. I'm going to have to ask Astro what route she took.

They went down around 7 -- we put them in their carriers for the gay doctor potluck -- and I just now finished feeding Tyler. Nicholas started stirring but never got up. And Tyler seems to be going right back to sleep. Awesome!

It was quite amusing taking them to the potluck. Well, the potluck itself is always amusing. Imagine if you will a house full of gay doctors. We're usually one of two lesbian relationships present; this time we were the only one. And we take the babies, foreign objects to most of these guys.

But the wonderful thing is that when it's just gay guys they can admit that they love the babies! (straight guys love babies too, they just think they shouldn't, and are therefore much less effusive) We spent all evening "guarding" them against intrusion by some well-meaning dude. I swear there were five guys hovering around all night just waiting for one of them to wake up so they could snuggle. Alas, the babies cornered the area around the fireplace and slept through the whole thing. There were cries of disappointment throughout the house as we were leaving for their unsporting behavior. Really, quite amusing.

These potlucks are really enjoyable. First off, the wine and food is always amazing. This always leads to the "what should we take?" quandary (this time it was the pecan bar recipe on the back of a tube of sugar dough cookies -- they liked it.) Will anything I make be good enough for a house full of gay guys? Should I put it on the pretty plates, even though we might lose them? But the thing I really like is that when you say, "They have three moms," there's generally a lot fewer shocked appearances. The most common reply is, "Well, that makes sense. They are twins; you need as many hands as possible!", and that pretty much always makes me feel good.

They're big!

2004-12-01T02:13:00.000-05:00

They had their two-month appointment yesterday morning, and they are strong and pretty babies. They got four immunizations -- Astro says they wailed but were easily consoled. The doc was surprised that they're both rolling over. They both roll toward their left from front to back; neither are doing it from back to front yet. They were sleepy all day from the shots and we omitted tummy time. No sense in making their days more difficult.

So, creative sleeping arrangements. We started with one mom doing nights (we alternated) with both babies. They would sleep in the playpen downstairs with mom on the couch in front of them. This was nice because it meant that two people got to sleep all night, but the MOD (Mom On Duty) didn't get any sleep at all. One baby would wake up, get changed and fed, and the next one would be ready for a change and feeding. There would be perhaps a half hour of sleeping for mom before the cycle would repeat. As crazy as it sounds we actually did that for about three weeks before throwing in the towel.

Then we decided they needed to get accustomed to sleeping in their crib instead of the playpen, so we moved them upstairs. We tried that for a day or so before we realized that half the problem was that mom wasn't getting any sleep. Did I mention that Sleepy was trying to pump through all of this? Yeah, it wasn't working so well.

So then we went with the "upstairs baby" and "downstairs baby" approach. One mom would sleep downstairs with a baby in the playpen, while the other would sleep upstairs with the baby in crib. We tried this for a while and it was working. However, we made the error of not rotating the babies and Nicholas got really used to me being downstairs with him.

We realized the problem and started rotating the babies, which worked pretty well. Then we decided to further the belief that "nighttime is for sleeping" by moving the playpen to another (darker) room downstairs at night. You see, we felt that it was probably hard to sleep with the lights on and TV blaring at night while your brother was sleeping in calm and quiet upstairs. That worked really well, actually.

But the goal, if you remember, was to have them both sleeping in their crib and all the moms in our bed. So, while "upstairs baby" and "downstairs baby" were both sleeping (a MAJOR improvement), it was still pretty lonely for me downstairs on the couch. [Not that I mind the couch. Quite the opposite; I find it quite comfortable. But I was missing sleeping with the adults.]

So we moved the playpen into the guest room right after Thanksgiving. That worked for a night or so and now they are sleeping together in the crib and moms are sleeping together in the big bed. We alternate who gets up for each feeding. Tonight I took the first one because they let me sleep for, like, ten hours last night AND Astro held the monitor while I took a long shower. Hallelujah!

Life, and sleeping, is going well.

Today is exciting because it's the first day Sleepy goes back to work. I'll have the kids alone all day. I'm a little nervous but I know we'll make it through. It may involve some creative parenting, but we'll be all right. It doesn't help much that Astro's next test cycle begins next Thursday and she has to do well, all while Sleepy is mostly working nights. Ouch. This is going to be interesting.

Well, Tyler seems to be completely asleep and Nicholas didn't wake up for any food. I expected him to, and then I would have fed him instead of making someone else get up. But this pook-and-pat blog session is over.

Sleep well.

Hello again

2004-11-29T06:14:00.000-05:00

So, it's been at least a month since I've written. Anyone who has waited this long must really like me. Suffice it to say that I've been quite busy.

The facile and fetching Sleepy has declared that I need to blog more (I think she just reads to find out what's really going on in my head) so I'm going to try writing during pook-and-pats.

What's a pook-and-pat? It's that endearing and annoying time after a baby has been fed, but before he is entirely asleep, when he sometimes fusses and needs a pacifier and a pat from a mommy. Ergo, pook-and-pat.

Some other interesting new lexicon:

Bobbing for boobies: The phenomenon wherein a hungry baby is searching for milk on the chest of the one holding him. The boobies may or may not belong to a woman, may or may not be "functional", and the baby may or may not know what to do with them were he lucky enough to find them.
magic car seats: Really, these things are amazing. Pretty much no matter how cranky a baby is, as soon as he gets in a moving car seat, he's out like a light. The tricky part is that the magic sleeping powers do not work in a stationary car seat.
$20,000 pacifier: A car holding the magic car seats in motion.

There's more, but it seems that Tyler is finally asleep. Tomorrow evening perhaps I'll write about "creative sleeping arrangements for twins and their moms".

2004-10-15T13:36:00.000-04:00

Well, we've survived something of a hellish week around here. Nicholas' umbilical stump has fallen off, but not Tyler's. We think that Nicholas' isn't healing properly so we may have to go to the doc's and have them cauterize it.

The facile and fetching Sleepy's parents have been in town. We actually had to send her mother home early. Note to parents: this is not the time to "process" issues from childhood and early adulthood; now is the time to be unquestionably supportive of your children. If you can't handle that please do the proper thing and stay the hell away (like mine and Astro's parents are doing). Furthermore, when you say that you're "coming to help" I'm gonna take you at your word. I won't have you scrubbing floors or anything but I trust you can remember how to feed a baby a bottle.

I just can't believe how terrible that visit was. The babies were all tense and spunup the entire time. You could practically hear the whole house exhale when I drove her to the airport. She didn't have a single nice thing to say about *anything* the entire span of her visit. It was awful. The woman could find fault with God. Good riddance.

On the other hand, her father is doing great. He's a little freaked out by the "three parents" thing but he's hanging in there. He's fed and held more babies in the twelve hours he's been here than her mother did in three days. Astro and I convinced him to take Sleepy out for dinner last night -- just the two of them. It was the first time she's been out of the house in about two weeks and it did her a world of good. It is not good, as a general rule, for extroverts to be cooped up.

I've had the night shift for the last few nights. We're actually getting to the point where everyone wants to do it. There's something incredibly peaceful about getting up to feed and change your babies. And then when the snuggle up to go to sleep you know that something is right with the world. Watching morning come in is a beautiful experience.

We had a bad experience in the hospital around breastfeeding. We were adamant that we wanted to breastfeed and tried and tried and tried. Nicholas spent about four hours straight one day attempting to get milk but it just wasn't happening. And even though we had requested a visit from a Lactation Consultant when we checked in, one didn't come by until two days later. Nicholas screamed the entire night of day 2 until a wonderful nurse convinced us to supplement with formula (he was much happier when he was getting some nutrients). By that time the boys were dehydrated and had to go to the Special Care Nursery. We finally found a nurse that understood the problems inherent in a first-time mother breastfeeding twins and got a rhythym going. Sleepy was so stressed out about the situation that she was clenching her shoulders while breastfeeding and managed to give herself tendonitis. She had an appointment yesterday and has a special splint for the next week. She's pumping regularly, so the boys are still getting the positive effects of breastmilk, but the whole situation pisses me off. If a Lactation Consultant had just spent an hour with her the whole thing would have been avoided -- there wouldn't be a doctor's appointment, a splint, two days for them in the Special Care Nursery, IVs, or anything else.

Two things I wish they taught in medical school: breastfeeding and umbilical stump.

More About Babies

2004-10-09T11:46:00.000-04:00

Well, we had to have a trip to the Special Care Nursery. We were so adamant in our refusal to supplement with formula that the kids got a dehydrated and started running fevers. They started antibiotics while they waited for the labs to come back. Turns out there was nothing wrong with them that a some formula didn't fix. I was actually glad for the extra day in the hospital. It gave us an opportunity to get a handle on this whole mothering thing.

Sleepy's milk finally came in on Day 5. We were worried that it would never come in; her mother had to bottle feed both her and her brother because they kept losing weight. But our boys are wonderful.

Here are some things I've learned in the first week of parenting:

Babies don't actually all look alike. Some are prettier than others; ours are the prettiest ever.
Sometimes you aren't sure the baby is still breathing. Instead of jostling the baby, it is best to blow softly on the baby's face. They will grimace, letting you know they are still alive, but not wake up. This is best for everyone.
Point the willy down when changing diapers to avoid flash floods.
A long hot shower is worth two hours of sleeping.
Babies don't care about day or night. They only care that it's been 2-4 hours since their last feeding.
It's best to start feeding the baby BEFORE he cries. This way you can feed one baby at a time instead of having two screaming infants.
Screaming infants automatically increase your heart rate.

I've got the new picture blog up and running. I'll try to keep it updated with a picture a day, but can't promise that they will actually be posted the day they're taken. There are two new babies to take care of, you know.

BABIES!!!!!

2004-10-03T16:41:00.000-04:00

We have babies! The one on the left, Tyler Jefferson, weighs 7 pounds 8 ounces and is 19.25 inches long. On the right is Nicholas Benjamin; he weighs 6 pounds 15 ounces and is 20 inches long.

Babies and moms are doing great! More pictures later. I have to get back to the hospital.

Posting will be light

2004-09-30T13:07:00.000-04:00

I'll be busy for the next few days, you know, having babies. I'll get some pictures up here as soon as I can.

In the meantime, amuse yourselves by reading the people in my sidebar. I also just found this post about singing jazz to subway prosletizers. So funny I spewed Coke out my nose (never pleasant).

Some Thoughts

2004-09-29T08:33:00.000-04:00

Some thoughts about diverse subjects weighing on my mind lately:

The outcome of this presidential election hinges on Florida. If FEMA can't get its act together and help the Florida residents President Bush loses. I know, I know, all the pundits are saying stuff about black-box voting, purging voter lists of minorities, ballot design, the Cuban-American vote, and retirees -- but the election hinges on hurricane recovery. Both Sleepy and I have family in Florida and they're getting pretty tired of driving an hour for potable water. Just remember that you heard it here first.
How does one raise a feminist boy? The biggest task of parenting is to make sure your kids understand their "place" in the world. One of the ways we define our "place" is through gender and sexuality. So how do I raise my boys to be both masculine and feminist? Especially, how do three lesbian moms do such a thing? Really, I'm soliciting suggestions!
I'm really not so bad at putting things together. Friends and family may tease me about my complete lack of spatial sense (it's true) but I can put things together. I've learned this about myself because of the sheer tonnage of baby gear. In the past month I have successfully assembled a baby swing, playpen, three bouncy chairs (all with different combinations of batteries), universal machine, baby monitoring system, mini fridge in the nursery, two Baby Bjorn carriers, diaper pails, stroller, chair for the patio set that was missing a piece, five carseats, and a baby wipe warmer. The trick, I've learned, is to allow myself extra time to get things done, not to hurry, and to assume the instructions are written for people like myself.

The babies will be born this Friday, October 1, between 2 and 4 in the afternoon. Send good thoughts, light a candle, pray, hold us in the Light, or do whatever it is you do to help people in their time of need. Thanks.

Babies are HUUUGE!!

2004-09-24T16:27:00.000-04:00

We had the last ultrasound this morning. These babies are huge; I can completely understand why the fetching and facile Sleepy is so uncomfortable and cranky. They are in the 60th percentile for singleton babies! One is 6 pounds 11 ounces and the other is 6 pounds 7 ounces. How 'bout them bruisers? One's head is shoved in the other's abdomen so hard it looks like a kidney bean; they always have trouble measuring that one for growth.

I also spent time this morning in my doctor's office. I got this weird rash on my neck Monday that kept getting bigger until I made Sleepy look at it Wednesday. She took one look at it and said, "Have you had any ticks lately?" "Not that I know of," I replied. "I haven't gone anywhere. The most time I've been outside was to rake leaves on Monday." She thought it looked an awful lot like Lyme Disease so I made an appointment with my family doc for today. Turns out the forgot my appointment {sigh} It seems no matter how low I put my expectations for my doctors' office staff, I'm always overestimating them. The nurse asked why I was there and I pointed to my neck and said, "For this thing on my neck that I think might be Lyme Disease." That's one way to clear out a waiting room quickly ...

Anyway, the doctor fit me into his schedule and confirmed that it did look an awful lot like Lyme. He needed confirmation and a procession of doctors and nurses came by to look at my neck. [Note to doctors: do not open your handy little book and comment that you've never seen a case like this and don't know how to treat it. While that may be true, and we don't think you have to know everything, we patients would prefer that you do our research out of our sight and hearing. It helps our confidence. Thank you.] They drew some blood and gave me a prescription for antibiotics. Great. I've always wanted a reportable disease.

The dentist and the doctor in a 48-hour period. How did I get so lucky?

I've got big plans for this weekend. Tonight I walk with my "neighborhood watch" people. The guy who annoys me beyond words shouldn't be there so it should be tolerable. Tomorrow I have my Infant/Child CPR class all day (ugh).

Olley olley oxen free!! Olley olley oxen free!!

I Read Banned Books

2004-09-23T14:31:00.000-04:00

This week is the American Library Association's Banned Books Week. In honor of this week I choose to purposely read a banned book. This year, it's How to Eat Fried Worms. I was going to go for something heavier, but I really couldn't handle doing it right now. Besides, if it's banned it must be good, right?

Here's the list of 100 Most Frequently Challenged Books. The ones I've read are bolded and the ones I intend to read soon are in italics.

Scary Stories (Series) by Alvin Schwartz
Daddy’s Roommate by Michael Willhoite
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
Harry Potter (Series) by J.K. Rowling
Forever by Judy Blume
Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson
Alice (Series) by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
Heather Has Two Mommies by Leslea Newman
My Brother Sam is Dead by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier
The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
The Giver by Lois Lowry
It’s Perfectly Normal by Robie Harris
Goosebumps (Series) by R.L. Stine
A Day No Pigs Would Dieby Robert Newton Peck
The Color Purple by Alice Walker
Sex by Madonna
Earth’s Children (Series) by Jean M. Auel
The Great Gilly Hopkins by Katherine Paterson
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle
Go Ask Alice by Anonymous
Fallen Angels by Walter Dean Myers
In the Night Kitchen by Maurice Sendak
The Stupids (Series) by Harry Allard
The Witches by Roald Dahl
The New Joy of Gay Sex by Charles Silverstein
Anastasia Krupnik (Series) by Lois Lowry
The Goats by Brock Cole
Kaffir Boy by Mark Mathabane
Blubber by Judy Blume
Killing Mr. Griffin by Lois Duncan
Halloween ABC by Eve Merriam
We All Fall Down by Robert Cormier
Final Exit by Derek Humphry
The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood
Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George
The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison
What’s Happening to my Body? Book for Girls: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Daughters by Lynda Madaras
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
Beloved by Toni Morrison
The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton
The Pigman by Paul Zindel
Bumps in the Night by Harry Allard
Deenie by Judy Blume
Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes
Annie on my Mind by Nancy Garden
The Boy Who Lost His Face by Louis Sachar
Cross Your Fingers, Spit in Your Hat by Alvin Schwartz
A Light in the Attic by Shel Silverstein
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by A.N. Roquelaure (Anne Rice)
Asking About Sex and Growing Up by Joanna Cole
Cujo by Stephen King
James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl
The Anarchist Cookbook by William Powell
Boys and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy
Ordinary People by Judith Guest
American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis
What’s Happening to my Body? Book for Boys: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Sons by Lynda Madaras
Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret by Judy Blume
Crazy Lady by Jane Conly
Athletic Shorts by Chris Crutcher
Fade by Robert Cormier
Guess What? by Mem Fox
The House of Spirits by Isabel Allende
The Face on the Milk Carton by Caroline Cooney
Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
Lord of the Flies by William Golding
Native Son by Richard Wright
Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women’s Fantasies by Nancy Friday
Curses, Hexes and Spells by Daniel Cohen
Jack by A.M. Homes
Bless Me, Ultima by Rudolfo A. Anaya
Where Did I Come From? by Peter Mayle
Carrie by Stephen King
Tiger Eyes by Judy Blume
On My Honor by Marion Dane Bauer
Arizona Kid by Ron Koertge
Family Secrets by Norma Klein
Mommy Laid An Egg by Babette Cole
The Dead Zone by Stephen King
The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain
Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison
Always Running by Luis Rodriguez
Private Parts by Howard Stern
Where’s Waldo? by Martin Hanford
Summer of My German Soldier by Bette Greene
Little Black Sambo by Helen Bannerman
Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett
Running Loose by Chris Crutcher
Sex Education by Jenny Davis
The Drowning of Stephen Jones by Bette Greene
Girls and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy
How to Eat Fried Worms by Thomas Rockwell
View from the Cherry Tree by Willo Davis Roberts
The Headless Cupid by Zilpha Keatley Snyder
The Terrorist by Caroline Cooney
Jump Ship to Freedom by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier

I hate the dentist

2004-09-23T14:17:00.000-04:00

Even though I always make appointments for Peggy I had a different one. I hate that. As if having an anxiety attack every time I come (yes, this info is in my chart) isn't enough you have to go and throw me a curveball. Why yes, now that you mention it, I love crying in the dentist's office.

I don't like you, Ms. New Hygienist. I don't like the way you poke your little thing into my gums. I don't like the way you scrape my teeth. Your bantering is not helping. I don't like that you wouldn't go get the bubble gum flavor tooth polish instead of the nasty mint even after I asked. I especially don't like the way you didn't listen to me when I told you how to get the floss under my retainer without that stupid threader thing. And I don't like the consumerist pitches for Crest Whitestrips and Reach Flossers.

I hope the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.

Thankfully, I don't have any cavities. Because you really don't want to see what a mess I am after a drilling; I have to take a sick day from work. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck. Dental Hygienist fuckers.

Baby Shower Season has Officially Concluded

2004-09-21T13:29:00.000-04:00

We had our second, and last, baby shower on Saturday. The attendees at this one were colleagues of the fetching and facile Sleepy. They spent a lot of time "talking shop" so I amused myself with the hosts' cats. These are probably the best cats I can imagine for raising babies. One of them let me pick her up, walk her over to the six-month-old baby, and let him tug her fur and mistreat her. She didn't try to get away, didn't swat or hiss -- nothing. Lucy rocks. Anyway, we got a lot of loot that we're putting together (swing, playpen, two Diaper Champs). The graceful and gifted Astro was right to assume that the docs would buy the more expensive presents if the church ladies' shower was first.

I got all the car seats and bases installed in their appropriate cars. It turns out the little gauges on the sides that tell you if you have them at the right angles are not very accurate. Or, as the firefighter said, "It's a good rough measurement." I was the first one to appear for the check (before they had even opened, actually) and the last one to leave. It took me about five hours. But all those car seats are properly installed now and we never have to do it again!

Let's see ... we have a new air conditioner and heating system for the house. The digital thermostat is cool. They had to put a hole in the garage drywall to get the heater installed that hey haven't fixed, but they should be by this week. Last night I finished cutting up all the wood from the cage surrounding the old air conditioner. It was molded and falling apart (and I don't know why it was placed there anyway) but I managed to salvage some for some project down the road. I hope the trash guys take away the lumber -- I made sure all the nails were out of it

I recruited someone to take care of bagging my leaves this fall (I'll be busy raising little 'uns). They're already starting to fall. I don't like this time of year -- I still have to mow, but now I ALSO have to rake leaves. Anyway, at a dollar a bag I feel like I'm getting my money's worth. Last year there were more than 70 bags for our 1/2 acre homestead. Those big trees that shade the house have their downside. One of them will be good for a swing in a few years though so I shouldn't complain too much.

Mostly we're waiting for babies.

It's hard.

Patience is not Sleepy's strong suit.

Olley olley oxen free! Babies can come out now!

I'm thinking of posting a picture a day on this site when they get here. What do ya'll think?

Parenting

2004-09-16T13:41:00.000-04:00

I picked up Confessions of a Slacker Mom last night at the bookstore. I was waiting for Sleepy to finish her professional dinner (she didn't want to walk from the parking lot so I drove her). Really, they should know better than to let me into a bookstore unattended; I was glad I spent less than $40.

Anyway, the book is really good. Makes me feel much more ready to be a mom, and much more comfortable with some of the parenting decisions we've already made.

For example, the kids are sharing a crib until they grow out of it. Cherished anecdotal evidence suggests that twins grow better, cry less, and regulate their temperature better when they cosleep. Maybe they'll start kicking each other, but maybe they won't and we'll have saved the cost of a crib.
They'll get outside every day, with the only exceptions being inclement weather. Kids need to have unstructured time and this will help them understand nature. I really want my kids to have a healthy appreciation for nature, and that starts with noticing that different trees have different kinds of leaves.
We're not letting the kids sleep in our bed. For one thing, it's already crowded enough. We also believe that we'll parent best with some sleep. We made sure the nursery has a futon in it for whoever is on "baby call" that night.
We've had lots of discussions about pacifiers. I think they should "disappear" when the babies are around 8 month old. After all, pacifiers are relatively new inventions and babies need to learn to soothe themselves. Then again -- I still sleep with my blankie. We'll definitely move the pacifier to night use only when they start to talk.
Our TV will not be constantly on. I know this is going to take some getting-used-to around the house but I really think it's bad for kids. TV is not their normal environment and I think it causes them to have short attention spans. So, no TV unless its educational (Sesame Street and the like) and it'll be limited.
Speaking of things that lower the attention span -- I'll be quite happy if they never have a toy that requires batteries. Again, generations upon generations have raised kids without things that talked back to them. Let them make their own fun; that's a lesson they can really use.

Anyway, read the book. She's a great writer and it's quite informative.

Appalling Consumerism

2004-09-14T15:43:00.000-04:00

I hate conspicuous consumption. It is one of the few things that is sure to place you in the lower rung of humanity IMO.

So imagine my surprise when I realized we've been overtaxing our garbage collectors for the past few weeks.

First, there were a lot of boxes and newsprint from me unpacking Astro's belongings.
Then baby things started pouring in -- two boxes for the carseat bases, two more for the bases-plus-seats combo, various packaging from the good folks at Amazon, stroller box -- despite our concerted efforts to borrow or buy used.
Two weekends ago Astro and I had a day where we dropped a grand on "big thing" (granted, most of them were used) that we had to have a truck to transport.

equipment for our home gym: recumbent exercise bike, elliptical machine, and treadmill (all used)
china cabinet
new patio set (two boxes, one of which was so big that we couldn't unload its contents without first unpacking it)
five-cabinet filing cabinet for house records
snazzy new desk chair for Astro.

17" monitor because the old 15" monitor would randomly lose the red coloring. It turns out it's really hard to study anatomy slides without the red.
And I haven't even finished assembling the universal machine yet! That'll be another big box at the curb

All this is to say that there are a lot of "things" floating into our house and I'm not completely comfortable with that. I have to question my values at times, and then remember that almost all of it is used, borrowed, or given.

I must be growing up. {sigh}

Baby Showers

2004-09-14T13:31:00.000-04:00

Well, I successfully managed to get the deck, yard, and house tidy for the baby shower at home. The fetching and facile Sleepy was ordered to sit on the couch for the duration -- which she did admirably well. She usually has trouble sitting still and letting others do things for her.

The host arrived early to make punch and help us tie up any loose ends but we already had everything together. Everything was vacuumed, scrubbed, dusted, mown, assembled, and generally put in order (grammar alert: Oxford comma). However, the hostess forgot to bring the punch bowl so I was (happily) dispatched to her house to get said item. I ended up chatting with her partner for a while before coming back. One cute touch: instead of ice in the punch bowl she used frozen teethers. About 25 people (including four little ones) were hanging out in our living area. I was happy that it didn't seem too overwhelming. They were all pleased with our nursery and the children were mostly well-behaved. We need to get some more outside toys and balls, but I'm betting that will come with time. Some moms pointed out areas that needed childproofing without seeming to understand that children really were not supposed to be in that section of the house (please do not kick balls in front of the antique Japanese ceramics. Thank you.) and will be cordoned off with the use of giant gates. We received lots of clothes with stylized rubber ducks, which made me positively ecstatic. My happy yell of "Duckies!" became the theme of the party. I got it all washed and put away by the next night.

On my list for sainthood: people who host baby showers, baby shower guests who buy the 3-6 month clothes, and whoever first concocted the fruit punch/lemon-lime soda/rainbow sherbert item known as "party punch".

We now have about ten gift bags suitable only for baby showers. We can't throw them out because they're too nice but we really don't have a use for them. Any ideas on how to get them out of the house?

<warning: graphic pregnancy details>
Sleepy had her biweekly OB appointment yesterday and has been formally placed on "modified activity". Her cervix, which used to be "high, thick, and closed" is now "low, 50% effaced, and soft". So she's not supposed to be moving around much anymore. Fortunately, she had already placed herself on her own version of modified activity. She mostly watches TV, sleeps a lot, and drinks lots of water. Not much walking or standing around or doing chores because the contractions start. All is going well but the babes might come a little sooner than October 1.
<end warning>

One of Sleepy's colleagues is throwing us another baby shower this Saturday. I secretly hope that they pool their money and buy us the fancy glider. Realistically, I expect to receive more toys, onesies, and receiving blankets. That's okay. Mandatory fun is something everyone must endure. Maybe we'll get more duckie stuff :)

I told Mom

2004-09-14T13:27:00.000-04:00

Well, I finally told my mom about the gifted and gorgeous Astro and that we're pregnant and got a pretty loud non-response. She was supportive and communicative. It goes completely against type and really is more disturbing than if she had cried and yelled.

Then, yesterday afternoon, the fetching and facile Sleepy called me at work to tell me that my family had sent some gifts from our gift registry. WTF? Very odd behavior.

Very confusing.

Astro suggested that they might be trying to reel me back in for another attempt at breaking my heart. She may be right. That scenario is certainly more believable than a sudden change of heart.

The Nature of Pregnancy

2004-09-10T17:21:00.000-04:00

You'd think that for something as private as growing someone inside you pregnancy would be a pretty private thing. But NOOOO, it's actually incredibly public. Here's a sampling of the questions we've gotten:

Did you use artificial insemination?
What drugs did you take?
Do you know the father?
How are you delivering?
Did you know they can move the babies so you don't have to have a c-section?
Do you have everything you need? (no. does anyone ever?)
What are you having? ("babies")
How are we supposed to know what to get you if we don't know if it's a boy or a girl? (let's see ... how many colors are there besides pink and pastel blue? ... orange, red, navy blue, purple, magenta, green, white, yellow, chartreuse, fuchsia, goldenrod, I could go on and on. Why don't you choose one of those? And how did people buy babies presents before ultrasounds became so common? Use your imagination!!!!)
Are you decorating the nursery?
Do your parents know?
What kind of diapers are you going to use?
Are you going to breastfeed?

Here's the thing, folks. Just because someone is pregnant doesn't mean they want to talk with you about personal matters. In fact, it's very likely they would rather do anything but talk to you about them. So back the hell off!

(Although it is rather nice to travel with the fetching and facile Sleepy. Crowds part for her to pass, and she always gets seated first in restaurants. "Lead with the belly" is our new motto.)

Activism

2004-09-10T09:49:00.000-04:00

I signed the Votergasm Pledge. Did you?

Love Multiplies

2004-09-09T13:23:00.000-04:00

I think you should go read this column in the New YorkTimes (free registration required) about the conflict working mothers feel about their nannies. I particularly liked this bit:

For them [the kids], there is a seemingly unlimited well to tap; the greater the number of people to love and to love back, the better. You don't have to have 20 years of formal education to learn that math lesson.

Yup, my thoughts exactly.

2004-09-09T10:31:00.000-04:00

What Color is Your Brain?
brought to you by Quizilla

Quickie

2004-09-08T10:13:00.000-04:00

Babes are doing great! We had an ultrasound on Friday and they are BOTH over five pounds. That's a lot of baby! We've decided not to open and wash any newborn clothes until we know we actually need them. And here we thought we might have to get some preemie coming-home duds...

The gifted and gorgeous Astro and I spent all Saturday picking up big, heavy things in the rented truck and ferrying them home. We got a fancy office chair for Astro, a five-drawer filing cabinet for paperwork, a patio set (including table, chair, and umbrella), a treadmill, a recumbent exercise bike, an elliptical machine, and a china cabinet. Astro and I were starting to joke that small things just wouldn't fit in the truck; I almost didn't let her buy the endtable because it was too small. I guess you had to be there to see the humor. We were a little punch-drunk by the time we made it home, placed our new purchases under cover (the filing cabinet and treadmill didn't get to their respective places until the next morning), and made Sleepy take us out to dinner at the local Japanese steakhouse.

Saturday was also exciting because we got high speed internet at home! I honestly have to say that I won't miss my job at all now if they don't let me go to part-time status. I'll have fast internet at home and can keep up with all my blogging friends. We really got it so Astro could study faster (lots of her med school stuff is online. Nothing like walking into a room and seeing a picture of a real heart surgery on the monitor) and I could maybe do some consulting. Woohoo! High speed!

We had a friend come over on Labor Day to hang out and help put things together. She's an engineer and assembling things is her idea of fun (and my idea of torture). She got the patio set put together and then helped me get all the nice china in the new-to-us china cabinet. It looks really good and makes me feel strangely grown up. Eek. I got the new stroller together all by myself. The stroller was a big purchase for us because we wanted something that could accommodate two babies in their car seats, but not so huge I couldn't lift it. Most twins strollers are either too wide to fit through a doorway or so long that you can't see the front. We also didn't want to spend hundreds of dollars on something they're only going to use until they're a year old. I finally found an appropriate model on one of the twins sites and ordered it, but it was kindof a pain to put together. On the other hand, I can open it with one hand and it fits in the trunk of my car.

It appears that our families in Florida survived Frances and are girding their loins for Ivan. No news from my mother.

Reason I love my boss #2029

2004-09-03T08:29:00.000-04:00

The problem I've run into is that the babies come at about the same time my review was due. The review was supposed to be done August 20, but he's just now getting all the paperwork submitted. I was trying to hold off on telling him about the babies until after the review, but I also didn't want to leave him in the lurch on various high-profile projects; I felt two weeks just weren't adequate.

In a rather long email about the situation he wrote,

I don't want to mention anything [to the powers that be] until your review is done. I submitted it today.

That, my friends and future supervisors, is the way to get undying loyalty from your workers.

Yes, twins

2004-09-02T17:56:00.000-04:00

It seems not too many people were paying attention back on May 11 when I announced that we're having twins. So yes, the twins are coming. (cue music) We had an OB appointment today and the facile and fetching Sleepy is doing remarkably well. The c-section is scheduled for October 1. We have two baby showers coming up -- one at our place 9/11 and another elsewhere 9/18. Fortunately, the doctors are all going to the 9/18 one, so perhaps they'll get the more expensive gifts. Maybe they'll all go in together and get the luxurious glider we were drooling over. There's an ultrasound tomorrow. I'd post pictures but you really can't see anything.

I told work that Sleepy was pregnant and I'd have to go to part-time. They're trying to figure out how to justify that to the higher-ups. My boss was super-sweet and didn't tell anyone until after he sent in my review and raise paperwork. I really love working for him. We'll see what we can work out, but if I have to completely quit I think I'd be okay with that too, at least for the first few years.

In an interesting development ... my mother emailed me. This is rather startling really because she doesn't like computers. She emailed me from work because she figured (correctly) that I didn't want to have any communication my father might overhear. Of course, she may just be printing off the replies and sharing them with him anyway -- but I can't control that. It was just a quick email detailing the damage from Hurricane Charley and telling me her plans for Hurricane Frances. (My brother's family lost part of their roof, and my sister's family was without power for a week. I advised them all to take a vacation to New Orleans. Get the fuck out of the way. That thing is big and the structures are already damaged. It looks like it's going to be a real hard hurricane season.) I've decided that I'm comfortable with email conversations with my mother for now. I don't know how long that will last. But this seems a relatively okay distance. She doesn't know my work email address or my cell phone number; in fact, Sleepy forwarded the message from our home email. I gave her carte blanche to delete emails from my family because they were all religious/guilt inspiring in nature. I'll see how it goes. They don't know about the gifted and gorgeous Astro, or about the twins. They're the kind that would try to get custody of the kids if they could. It's a good thing we're already doing the wills and powers of attorney and all that legal jazz. I'm seriously considering telling them about my family via Christmas card; "Here we are Mom!" Anyway, the whole thing is weird. I'll take it as it goes and see what happens.

We have a list!

2004-08-31T12:12:00.000-04:00

Our list contains items that must be complete before the babies come. We'd really like most of them to be complete by September 11, as that is when the shower is happening at our home.

Now those of you with kids are laughing at us for having the shower at home. "It's supposed to be at someone else's house," you say. Keep in mind the good chance the fetching and facile Sleepy would be on bedrest by then, and that we don't have a truck to move things back to the house. Also, it seemed like cleaning the house was just something that needed to be done anyway.

The long and short of it is that I'll be doing a lot of cleaning. Sleepy is having trouble staying awake for more than two hours at a time, much less motivate to, say, mop the kitchen floor. She's too big for that kind of activity. The gifted and gorgeous Astro is much too busy studying. The babies are scheduled to come at the very end of her first test cycle. As if there wasn't already enough pressure on her; I feel for her.

I got in touch with my inner mechanic last weekend. I fixed the back gate!!! The poor thing was hanging half off a hinge and the latch would never catch. I would just kind of "balance" it in the opening each time I'd go to work. But an afternoon, wood filler, and some basic hand tools got it fixed. First I straightened the errant hinge using an old 2x4 and some c-clamps. Then I nailed and screwed the slat that had been pulled out of position. I put wood filler in the old screw holes and, after waiting for it to dry, screwed the hinge back to the slat. Presto! A gate that hung straight! Then I set to work on the latching mechanism. I pulled out the old one, filled the holes, and realized I'd need a new part. Fortunately, I'd anticipated this problem and had spare parts on hand. Got the new latch on straight and I was done. Reward: one ice cold hard cider. MMM Good!

The garden report is not going so well. I had one teeny tiny tomato that looked like it might grow into something, but the squirrels ate it while it was still quite green. "Ah well," I thought, "that's what you get. You're just lucky the rabbits found the carrots yet." The next evening after work I noticed that the entire tomato plant had gone missing. Further investigation revealed that the entire plant had been eaten. The critters removed the entire plant but had left the carrots undisturbed. Bizarre.

Our friends were visiting and their 3-year-old and I picked and ate the carrots this weekend. No sense pushing my luck and all. the carrots are the sum total of my garden this year. No cucumbers, no tomatoes (five varieties planted), no cilantro. It appears that I might get some basil but I'm not counting on it. {{sigh}} But the rose bushes and lawn are very happy. We've got little pink roses jumping out all over the place!

I'm too sexy for my blog

2004-08-26T14:45:00.000-04:00

Sorry posts have been skimpy of late. I've been busy and unmotivated to blog.

Two crazy work projects are in "hurry up and wait" mode. They were incredibly important two weeks ago but I haven't heard anything about them since. One other is is "toe-tapping" mode. I'm not really excited about it but I really need to finish it.

I love baseball! Has anyone noticed that? David Wright may well be the savior of my beloved Mets. I saw five teams play in four states over a seven-day period, while staying employed full-time. It was incredibly rejuvenating. It's a topic for another set of posts, but suffice it to say that regional differences exist in the US and minor league baseball RAWKS!

Did I mention that we're having twins? Yup, two of them. The facile and fetching Sleepy just passed the 32-week mark, so the bambinos are happily viable. They're busy stepping on her cervix and breathing her air. I think that's just a good excuse to make the gifted and gorgeous Astro do things like vacuum, clean the kitchen, and paint the nursery. It's all a conspiracy. I'm trying to step into this parenting this s l o w l y. There is one carseat base installed in my car. I see it every morning and have a little heart attack on my way to work. Sometimes I'm just not sure about the wisdom of this thing but I'm really looking forward to it.

I've also been enjoying the Olympics. I'm partial to the obscure sports -- synchro diving, equestrian, softball, handball, women's wrestling, and badmitton are my "must tapes". Does anyone know why handball hasn't caught on in the US? It seems we'd really like it -- it's fast paced, high scoring, and has plenty of physical contact. I think I'd make a decent goalie. All this while cross-stitching baby announcements!

That's really it. Busy freaking out over the babies, tiring baseball trip, and work craziness. Nothing else, really.

Redneck

2004-08-09T08:53:00.000-04:00

I did a lot of work outside this weekend. It started on Saturday morning by cleaning out the gutters. There was a gutter cover hanging off the front of the house, so we knew it was time. I went up the ladder while the graceful and gifted Astro stayed on the ground to spot me and toss things up. Everything went swimmingly until I found the hornets' nest. Then we had to engineer a way to get the hose and nozzle up to the roof (two stories) while I stayed well away. I also requested some water and something to sit upon. We finally got the hose, nozzle, water, and cushion up there and I finished the gutters and cleared away some tree branches that were resting on the roof. Everything was in really good shape, especially considering that nothing had been done up there for at least a year and probably two.

Despite the fact that the water steamed off the roof, that I needed something to sit on because the roof was too hot (and I was wearing jeans), AND that I was thirsty -- I forgot to put on sunscreen. Doht! Astro was kind enough to slather aloe on me without teasing too much. She noted that my ears were really red and that she could see the outline of my sunglasses' earpiece behind my ears. Lovely. She, on the other hand, had a slightly burned face from looking up at me all day.

I can't believe the little "sunscreen alarm", carefully installed through years of living in Florida, didn't go off. Bastard alarm.

I made darn sure to wear the straw hat and two layers of sunscreen for the lawn mowing fun on Sunday. I mowed it pretty short because I'll be gone this weekend on my "occasional baseball trip". I'd call it my annual trip but it's not really that regular; sometimes I do it twice in a year, sometimes once, and I think I skipped it entirely last year. Astro used the new weedwhacker for the first time and I filled two garbage cans and one bag with tree branches and grass. That's all the yardwork for this week, folks.

I'm sore as hell, too. My left hip hurts so much I couldn't even sleep on it last night. Both shoulders are sore from leaning over and scooping out gutters. The whole gutter-cleaning position is very awkward and sure to result in sore muscles. The left shoulder hurts more than the right shoulder. I was so pooped yesterday I went to bed at 8:30.

I think it was further aggravated by playing catch on Saturday afternoon at the church ladies' picnic. There was only a left-handed glove available so I had to throw lefty and use muscles that really aren't used to such actions. I can catch great lefty but throwing is a whole 'nother matter. The fetching and facile Sleepy asked me later, "Why were you throwing so funny? Were you trying to make that kid feel better?" After explaining the situation to her, she was impressed that I could throw at all left-handed.

Work Projects

2004-08-06T15:20:00.000-04:00

First, there's the project-by-committee. I've been working on it for months now and FINALLY everyone is done checking typos and reordering things. I'm waiting only for the approval from the higher-ups to move to production. Never have I seen a reorganization be so painful.

Then there's the security project where I'm working with lots of people throughout the company. I've learned that it really is impossible to set cross-domain cookies despite what the Cold Fusion documentation claims. I'm back to the drawing board on this one. There's a meeting at the end of the month so I'd better have it working seamlessly on the test box by then.

The last project is the one taking up all my time this week. I think the word is "radically accelerated". Imagine a project that's going at a snail's pace because the customers can't decide on requirements. You're the only one working on this project because the idiot coworker can't be trusted with anything of this magnitude. Then imagine that this same project is for payroll, and so affects all 10K employees. Now imagine that a lawsuit has been filed and your little project needs to be done yesterday. Oh, and can't you just do these last twelve little things we didn't tell you about until today? Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Next week is only going to be more painful.

Then there are the two older projects -- phone book and reports -- that needed little fixes this week. To make matters worse, the server had issues with an expanding table and was down for several hours on Tuesday and Wednesday before we diagnosed and fixed the problem.

My anniversary and review is at the end of August. I'm going to push for a bonus (that way I get to keep the money when I leave).

In other news entirely, I have to take my last day of vacation by August 20 (my anniversary date). My employer is a use-it-or-lose-it kind of place. I was going to take my itermittent basebal sojourn but learned earlier this morning I may have to cut it short to attend Astro's white coat ceremony (that's when they give her a short white coat and initiate her as a medical student). However, I won the ticket to the Cubs game next Saturday so I'm going. I may have to get up at an ungodly hour, but I'm going.

There's a lot of household tasks on my list this weekend. The lawn needs to be mown, the roses need another shot of the fungicide, I really need to get some goo for the dandelions, the gutters need to be cleaned, the trees need to be trimmed away from the gutters, and maybe, just maybe, I can finally fix the back gate. And we're all making an appearance at a church ladies' party. Busy, busy, busy.

Feminist Friday

2004-08-06T14:28:00.000-04:00

Astarte over at Utopian Hell has a list of questions for feminists. She also has some lovely older posts; my particular favorite is Today's Feminists. Go read her; she's good.

Most of us go by pseudonyms on the internet to avoid rabid ex-lovers, identity thieves, and dirtbags that have nothing better to do. These names have special meaning to each person and often tell a bit about that person. If you use a pseudonym, list it and explain why you chose that particular name. If you dont, well, just tell us your name.

I use a pseudonym because there are people out there who would like to hurt me and my family. It's basic protection. Why "Noneya Business"? Well, because it's really none of your business. Also, one of the camp counselors that I had a crush on used to play for a softball team (all dykes) called "Noneya" so it popped to mind.

Are you single?

Most assuredly not single.

If yes, do you believe in marriage as an institution?

That's like asking if I believe in abortion. Marriage is; abortion is. I don't believe that most people are wired for monogamy (my theory is that it's about the same amount as are wired for celibacy) and most marriages struggle with that for their duration. Marriage is socially constructed, so it can be reconstructed. Not too long ago marriage was seen as strengthening alliances between families; now we marry for romance. Mostly I'm pissed that we can't have a public conversation about families, child rearing, and elder care without bumping up against the sacred cow of marriage. All that being said, the urge for people to publicly symbolize their love for each other is undeniably strong.
So I think that we need to change marriage; not abolish it. Marriage has a lot of things going for it (love, romance, settling the young, taking care of the old and young) and a lot of problems (monogamy, jealousy, medical benefits).

Do you have any children?

Not yet. But I have two on the way! And they'll be raised as feminists.

Was your mother a feminist?

You know, I like to think that my mother did the best she could. She stayed home and raised us kids. But she raised us Catholic, with an abusive father, and made us attend Catholic school. On the other hand, she did support me in my quest to play baseball, be an altar server, and frequently engaged my father in political debates (and voted against him several times). She went back to work when the youngest entered school -- but work was in the church office across the street. I believe she had some feminist tendencies.

Reach back into your brain and remember what made you a feminist in the first place. Tell us the story, and let us know if those things still weigh heavily in your decision to continue being a feminist.

I never wanted to be a feminist. Originally, I wanted to be a boy. I noticed that they got to do all the fun stuff while I had to stay inside and learn to sew (btw, thanks mom for making me learn). My brothers got chemistry kits and I got a play kitchen. I want girls and women to have a full range of choices in life; that's why I'm a feminist. Everyone should have the schema for "clean bathroom" and "mowed lawn". I feel most like a feminist when I go to the hardware store and the fabric store sequentially.

What would you call your personal style? Do you like makeup/hate makeup? Jeans and t-shirts or flares and babydolls? Do you own any high heels? Give us an indication of the types of things you like to wear and the image that you portray that makes you the most comfortable.

I do not own high heels because they are uncomfortable and bad for your feet. The fetching and facile Sleepy describes my dress-up style as "tailored". My everyday style is jeans, chinos, button-down shirts, sweaters, and baseball hats. I believe in wearing clothes that have pockets, last a long time, and don't require dry cleaning. If they were to sell such things in the "women's section" I might buy and wear them. I have no patience for shoddy work.

Are you a crazy cat lady?

No. I love my cats, but they aren't the be-all and end-all of my life. I will tell stories of the funny things they've done -- but only to willing participants. We currently have a 1:1 ration of cats:people in the house. I mourn for BubbaCat. Our next pet will be a dog.

What do you think of men in this crazy world? Are they the problem or the solution? Are they all guilty by association, or is it a social ill that we all have to face?

Men are men. Women are women. There is very little inherent difference between the biological sexes (and don't forget that sex is determined by a variety of factors and that there is a lot of gray area). Some men are the problem and some are the solution. As a society we must ameliorate the problems faced by centuries of male dominance, just as we must ameliorate the problems created by centuries of white dominance. The first step, of course, is realizing that men and women are raised and treated differently, measuring it, and formulating plans to level the playing field. I know some lovely men that will be great role models for my children. Unfortunately, there are a lot more men who are busy living an unexamined life.

Who do you think is more dangerous to feminism: Women who portray feminism as dirty and unfeminine, or men who wish to control their wives through monetary and other means? Or do you have another theory all together?

They are both dangers; I think women fighting against ourselves is a bigger threat. I'm really annoyed by women my age (<30).

What is the last book that you read?

The entire list of books is over there on the left. I just finished Gay Marriage by Jonathan Rausch. I'm currently listening to The Three Musketeers in the car, and reading Why Black People Tend to Shout by Ralph Wiley (started reading him through his sports writings; very sad that he died).

What is your political affiliation?

I'm a registered Democrat, but actually research all the elections. I frequently write in "Tina Turner" for school board. I'm fiscally conservative and socially hands-off.

Feel free to discuss in the comments.

Hot Chocolate

2004-08-05T14:52:00.000-04:00

It's the beginning of August, 80 degrees outside, and I'm drinking hot chocolate.

Just thought you might want to know.

Change Management Gone Awry

2004-08-05T12:13:00.000-04:00

This office renovation couldn't have gone any worse. First, it took a whole week to get new carpet. Now they're painting the walls. The managers don't like the color on the walls. They say it looks just like the old color.

Now, this situation is completely avoidable. The first step is to paint the walls before changing the carpeting. That way if you drip paint no one cares -- it's getting changed anyway. Before buying gallons and gallons of paint one should do a test patch on the wall. It's a well-established fact that paint looks different on a little chip than it does actually on the wall.

It has been determined that the paint smells and we must air out the building. In addition to my usual two vents blowing cold air directly onto me, we've created an air tunnel by opening all the doors. Stuff hanging on my cube walls is literally flapping in the breeze.

I'm wearing a wool baseball cap, a quilted shirt (on top of my long-sleeved shirt), and earphones. No, there's no music; they keep my ears warm. I'm taking breaks to stand outside on the blacktop and thaw.

This is outrageous.

Oh heh -- Blogger just made it really easy to add comments. Give a shout out.

More "Evil Office Manager Tales"

2004-08-04T11:36:00.000-04:00

The woman cracks me up. As I've mentioned previously there is a difference between the paper towels in the kitchen and bathroom. She practically goes apoplectic if paper towels are placed in the wrong area.

Right now there are no paper towels anywhere to be found in the building. None in the kitchen and none in the bathroom. Now, I know she knew that we were getting low because I told her last week when I put the last set in the bathroom. She didn't bother to send in an order.

She just told the super-bigwig boss (a lovely woman) that she doesn't know when we'll be getting more. As if it's not her job as the Office Manager to make sure we all have the basic supplies we need.

If you need the hand sanitizer it'll be on my desk.

"Evil Office Manager Tales" con'd

2004-08-02T16:24:00.000-04:00

I decided to be late for work today. I guessed (correctly) that all would be mayhem after the final carpet installation. Everyone would be trying to get their cubes, computers, and phones in operating order, and they just didn't need my help.

I was right. I got here 30 minutes late and people were still running around like headless chickens.

There are three "pods" of cubicles on the sales floor, each containing four cubes. Salespeople learned long ago that instead of changing their extension capriciously each time the manager moved them around, they could just shove telephone cords under the cube walls. So they did. And when they cleaned off their desks last week they neglected to note where their phones were plugged in. This is further complicated by the fact that the actual *phone* seems to remember your voicemail.

So no one knew what the hell they were doing this morning. There were people plugging network cords into phone jacks. They were confusing line 1 and line 2 on their phones. The one person whose phone was working, the Evil Office Manager, refused to do any troubleshooting. She was simply too busy opening mail to call people and verify that their phone was working. I got mine plugged in properly the first time and started helping. I was crawling under desks and switching cords, all the while fuming that this situation could have been easily avoided with a small diagram. Hey, isn't that the Office Manager's job?

Then I discovered that I had no network connectivity. I was plugged in but going nowhere. I appealed to the EOM for assistance, but she couldn't help.
Noneya: Hey EOM, I can't get on the network. I'm plugged in and everything. Any ideas what could be wrong?

EOM: No.
Noneya: Could it be that they screwed up the drop? I'm the only one
sitting in that pod.
EOM: (sarcastically) Doubtful.
Noneya: Could you
maybe come look at the problem? See if there's anything I overlooked?
EOM:
Sure, but it'll be a few minutes. I've really got to get this done (continues
opening junk mail).

I gave up on getting any help. I guessed that the problem might be the cord itself, and pillaged one off an adjoining table. I very nearly switched the printer's network cable for my own. I knew that would at least get some results. She'd have to fix that!Sure as shooting, it worked fine; didn't even have to reboot. Boy, that was tough! I'm sure glad we've got such crack support staff around here!

Friday Five

2004-07-30T14:49:00.000-04:00

1) Of everything in your wardrobe what do you feel the most comfortable wearing? Why?
I like my lucky purple shirt, but I'd have to say that my red "wrap" is my favorite right now. It's this warm, fuzzy chamois shirt that just makes me feel entirely happy in my own skin.

2) How would you describe your style?
Business Casual at its finest. It turns out I actually write code better in khakis so I wear them instead of the company-mandated suits.

3) How many pairs of shoes do you own and do you wear them all?
Let's see ... two pairs of work shoes, running shoes, boots, river sandals, birkenstocks, dress shoes ... that comes out to 7 pairs of shoes. Yes, I wear each and every one of them at the appropriate time. Oh, there's also a pair of old sneakers in the garage for yardwork, so I guess that makes 8. The extra pair of work shoes (brown instead of black) and the birkenstocks are very recent purchases; I did fine without them for several years.

4) Where do you buy most of your clothes?
Most of my clothes I get at Valley Thrift Store. Pants and jeans come exclusively from Eddie Bauer because they actually carry my size and have decent pockets. I'm also picky about my shoes because I come from a long line of cobblers and firmly believe that "life is too short to wear crappy shoes". I called my grandmother on the day I finally earned enough money to buy a pair of Rockports (in fact, I'm wearing some right now).

5) What was the last piece of clothing you bought?
The last piece of clothing I bought was an evening gown for Sleepy. You would not believe how much fancy maternity dresses cost! On the same trip, I purchased two new pairs of work pants for myself. (because Sleepy was there to facilitate shopping. Otherwise, I'd probably have kept wearing the old chinos until they had holes in the knees. I hate shopping.)

Radical New Diet

2004-07-30T14:40:00.000-04:00

I've decided to do something about this extra ten pounds of "new parent weight" (it could also be "happy fat" that the graceful and gifted Astro is finally here). For the next week, I'm avoiding all white sugar. Unrefined sugars such as rice, potatoes, corn, and fruit are still allowed. This diet change is supplemented by a renewed interest in evening activities such as badmitton and walking.

That seems a good compromise between going low carb and continuing to eat crap. There has been a frightening resurgence in french fries and processed food in my diet. That must stop. However, I don't want to deal with the headaches and all-around bitchiness associated with low/no carb. I'll report back next week.

All of this is just trying to explain why my fingertips and keyboard is slowly turning purple. The facile and fetching Sleepy went to the farm market with the graceful and gifted Astro and returned with some of my favorite fruit -- blackberries. YUM!

2004-07-29T11:47:00.000-04:00

Very Odd People
One of the women I work with has certainly risen to the highest level of her incompetence. She's supposed to be a manager, but has problems being organized. Her employees actively roll their eyes at her. Duties and responsibilities have been whittled away from her, and put in more competent hands, for a year now and STILL she refuses to get the clue. She enjoys the "management" title way too much. We've been working "together" to update her website. That means that I've been requesting information and approval, waiting a week, asking her boss when it's going to happen, and receiving an answer later that day. Last time she mailed me text changes. Which is really odd, because I do have a fax machine that's really a lot faster than interoffice mail. I convinced her to fax her latest set of changes. They were marked "confidential". Mind you, it wasn't as if her cover sheet is just automatically marked that way; this was a specific instruction. I suppose justifying that paragraph and putting that list in alphabetical order is really important.

One of my coworkers IMd me to say that a certain employee was getting a "file not found" error on the reports section of our website. They're just pdf files, but some people have issues. I confirmed that he checked that she has Acrobat Reader, logged in as her, and had no problems getting the reports. So I told him I'd call her and help her out. Here's the reconstructed transcript:

Noneya: Hi, this is Noneya. I work on [sitename] and heard you were having some trouble opening reports. Do you have a few minutes to walk through it with me?
Clueless Employee: Yes.
Noneya: Ok, go to the internet and log onto [sitename].
CE: I'm already there.
Noneya: Great, go to the Forms section.
CE: {{silence}}
Noneya: Are you there?
CE: But I'm having trouble with Reports.
Noneya: I know, but I want to make sure you've got Acrobat installed. This'll only take a second.
CE: {{silence}}
Noneya: Are you in the forms section?
CE: I don't see any forms.
Noneya: It's in the big bar on the top.
CE: {{silence}}
Noneya: Do you see it?
CE: Yeah, I'm there.
Noneya: Ok, click on any of those links and tell me what happens (you see, I'd noticed that her standard response was silence, so I've asked her to report back)
CE: {{silence}}
Noneya: What do you see?
CE: Phone numbers
Noneya: (think, what the hell did she click on? OK, that makes sense) Great. Ok, go back to reports.
CE: How do I get there?
Noneya: Click the back button in your browser, and then find Reports on the big bar. (really folks, this bar is hard to miss)
CE: {{silence}}
Noneya: Are you there? (Can you hear me now?)
CE: yes
Noneya: OK, click on one of the reports.
CE: Which one?
Noneya: It doesn't really matter. Let's do the July one.
CE: You can see my reports?
Noneya: No, I just know which reports you have. (Of course, I also have her username and password and so could log in as her. But let's not confuse this poor woman. Evidently, she feels these are super-secret reports and I'll just continue her illusion.)
CE: {{silence}}
Noneya: What happened?
CE: Okay.
Noneya: What do you see?
CE: It's asking me to save it.
Noneya: Great. Save it somewhere you can find it.
CE: I don't want it on my desktop. I'll save it here. (no elaboration on where "here" is, but hey -- that was two complete sentences!)
Noneya: Okay, now it should open up with no problems.
CE: {{silence}}
Noneya: Can you open it?
CE: Where did I save it?
Noneya: I don't know, but you didn't want it on your desktop.
CE: (accusingly) I don't see it!
Noneya: Do you usually put your reports somewhere?
CE: {{silence}} What would it be named?
Noneya: [says name of report]
CE: I see my other reports, but not that one.
CE: Oh, I just had to say "View All".
CE: See, it won't open. It keeps asking if I want to import it.
Noneya: {{think}} What are you trying to open it with?
CE: Excel
Noneya: {{momentary stunned pause}} {{taking care to moderate voice so Clueless Employee doesn't know I think she's an idiot of the first order}}
Noneya: It's a pdf; it has to open in Acrobat Reader. Use Windows Explorer to get to it, then double-click, and it'll open.
CE: {{silence}} But it wouldn't open in Internet Explorer.
Noneya: Windows Explorer, not Internet Explorer. They're completely different things.
Noneya: Minimize everything so all you see is your desktop.
CE: But it's not on my desktop!
Noneya: (ignoring stupid objection) See that picture that says "My Computer"? Double-click on that.
CE: Oh! Cool!
Noneya: Can you find the folder with your report?
CE: Yes! There it is!
CE: Oh look, it's opening!
Noneya: Great. That's all you have to do.
CE: I guess I have to do that for all the reports.
Noneya: Yes.
CE:Like you just showed me?
Noneya: Yup.
CE: OK.
Noneya: Alright, have a great day.

So, not only was she surly but she tries to open everything in Excel. Can you imagine how difficult it must be to live life with Excel as your framework? That's the most bizarre tech support problem I've had in months.

This is all topped off by my Idiot Coworker who just tried to give me a task to complete. Mind you, she hasn't done a task of this nature for months even though they arrive in our shared mailbox daily. I take care of it because people hate talking to her, and it's the kind of thing that actually requires phone and communication skills (she's not a native English speaker, but her incompetence goes way beyond that). She wouldn't have the slightest idea how to even begin resolving the problem. Why the sudden interest? What happens to these requests the rest of the time? Why does she suddenly have to "task" me with something that I automatically do? Weird. Deeply, deeply weird.

2004-07-27T14:28:00.000-04:00

Heinz Kerry
I don't like to comment on political affairs. Frankly I find it really hard to get excited about two rich white dudes. But it was the topic of conversation this morning at work. My coworkers says that it just showed her classlessness. They were completely surprised by my assertion that I'd rather have a First Lady saying, "Shove it" than a Vice President -- one heartbeat away from the Presidency -- saying, "Senator, go fuck yourself".

Not only does the VP have more power and responsibility than the FL, but what he said was far worse.

We are uncomfortable with THK because she is a wealthy woman. She refuses to be a poor helpless little woman. She's smart and rich, and she's not hiding it. Anyone who has a problem with that can shove it.

2004-07-26T16:54:00.000-04:00

Melancholy
So, the weekend was pretty good. Got a lot done.

It's gloomy and overcast. Hard to get inspired about much of anything.

The gifted and gorgeous Astro woke up on Saturday with a pulled muscle in her neck (evidently I was kicking too much). That pretty much dashed any hopes of getting the gutters cleaned out this weekend. Maybe we'll get it done during the week's evenings. I got the ladder from a neighbor just in case.

My silly little project that was supposed to be done within a month has now dragged on for about three. One of the managers has difficulties expressing herself in words and is actually mailing web page corrections to me. Does she not have a fax?!? This is the same manager that has to micromanage everything within her domain; that really annoys her employees. Her boss (and the one about two up from me) keeps asking about the project's status and I keep telling her, "I'm waiting on the last set of changes from the annoying manager." Pretty frustrating. And I really need to get it done soon-like.

The other, bigger, more interesting project that has a committee from across the organization is also going okay. I'm trying to get someone to make a *small* change so I can see if the cookies are being set properly and it's like pulling teeth. Grr. Just do this one little thing for me so I can see if it's working. Grr.

They're changing the carpet in the office. In all fairness, it is really nasty and really needs updating. We're talking stains everywhere. But instead of doing the sane thing and doing it over the weekend -- you know, when no one is around -- they are doing it during the week. I understand that the carpet guys would like to enjoy their weekend, but this is ridiculous. People are getting booted from their office, hammering, glue smell, etc. They're transferring customers to weird phone extensions and losing them. I can't wait to see the hit in productivity these new carpets are bringing. I'm wondering if they're going to do the "sales floor" (where I happen to sit) tonight or if I'll be shanghaied into moving my stuff yet again tomorrow. Have I mentioned that the smell really irks me? I have a very sensitive nose and the odor is just overpowering. I think it's giving me a headache. Maybe I'll be sick tomorrow and make the Evil Office Manager move my stuff.

I did manage to get some mulch delivered this weekend. The 10" scorched-earth zone between my beautifully-groomed back yard and my neighbor's weed patch is complete. I'm going to hit the few weeds on my side with Roundup and put down mulch. I'm seriously considering planting some bulbs along the fenceline as well. We'll see what my sweethearts think.

So far, the garden is about average for a first-timer.

I've done an excellent job with the roses. The black spot seems to be under control. Just deadheading, spraying, and fertilizing about every six weeks is all they need.

Not a single one of sunflowers bloomed, even after taking anti-rodent (squirrels and chipmunks) measures. I had really thought the sunflowers would do well, and I was really looking forward to them.

I've got five tomato plants and not one has fruited. None are over three feet, but three did flower. Next year I'll be buying the tomato plants grown by professionals in greenhouses. Evidently I need the head start.

The carrots are doing well. Lots of leaves. I pulled one up yesterday to make more room for its neighbors and it was tiny but tasty.

The cucumber plant hasn't fruited yet but it did flower.

All of the herbs are stunted; I think they want for sunlight. I may have to move them from the window boxes to the deck so they get more frequent waterings and sunnings.

2004-07-19T14:37:00.000-04:00

Monday Roundup
I believe firmly in the separation of church and state. That is not, however, equivalent to separation of faith and politics. In fact, I believe the two are irrevocably linked. Your faith is going to influence your politics and vice versa. Further proof at Lean Left with their http://www.leanleft.com/archives/003297.html post.

Tracy has not posted in a while. What do I have to do to read about her adventures?!? C'mon Tracy, throw us a bone!

Scott, over at Little Mean Fish, has a fun game to play during the conventions. He specifies the Republican convention but I think it'd be just as good with the Democrats.

The Doc in the Box is having fun rating Michael Moore films. For some reason I trust him more than most.

2004-07-19T11:40:00.000-04:00

I'm tired. It seems I'm always tired these days. I actually took a little snooze at my desk earlier -- only about 15 minutes. I'm just not motivated to do any of this work. It's not bad work; I just don't want to do it. {sigh} Gotta get moving.

I wisely took a muscle relaxant Friday night and got about 15 hours of sleep. The graceful and gifted Astro came to wake me up and we watched TV for an hour or so while my muscles were adjusting to wakefulness. We went out to eat that night with the church lesbians and had a blast. We met some new people can caught up with others. The most important part was that everyone finally got to meet Astro! They've heard so much about her, but had never seen her. They gave us a good-natured ribbing about actually seeing her in the flesh and our "nesting" month.

I skipped church on Sunday because it was the Blessing of the Animals, and I knew I'd just bawl through the whole thing. No sense in making life even more difficult for myself. We had some friends over after church and Astro finally got to meet Dandelion. We wished her well on her date. Our friends with the kid also came over and we had a blast playing with her. She liked our yard, and for the first time, actually didn't want to leave. She used to break out in hysterics every time she saw me because she knew her moms were about to leave for the evening. Yesterday, she was actually sad to go even though we were cutting into her naptime.

My big accomplishment this weekend was mowing the lawn and cleaning the master suite (should that be mistress?) I did the bathroom alone, and helped Astro with the bedroom (the facile and fetching Sleepy was ... wait for it ... sleeping). It looks really nice now and I have an inordinately high sense of accomplishment.

Tonight we may be making our first "all-together" foray into Astro's world. It depends on whether families are invited to her program's picnic. It'll be interesting either way.

Oh yes -- Sleepy had her 27-week appointment. She failed the glucose test (just barely) and has to take the full three-hour test later this week. Her uterus is measuring at 35 weeks. They're the same size (no twin-to-twin-transfusion here!) and a little big for their gestational age.

2004-07-16T12:33:00.000-04:00

Reading
Not everything is bad, of course. I'm doing some really interesting thinking about the difference between a cult and religion. It's one of those "I know it when I see it" kind of things. I've determined that there is a difference between a cult and mainstream religions. The problem is that each of those mainstream religions has a fundamentalist arm. How does one objectively distinguish the fundamentalist religion from its more generally accepted branch? What are the similarities and differences between cults and fundamentalism? Big questions.

I've also been wondering about this gay marriage stuff. Part of me feels that I should unequivocably support gay marriage, but another part of me is deeply pessimistic about marriage in general and would prefer gay people didn't get stuck in the same trap as straight folks. Long-term monogamy is not attainable for most humans. Now, I believe that long-term monogamy does work for some people; so does celibacy. So I'm trying to figure out why, aside from the political angle, does anyone care? Reading Gay Marriage (link in sidebar) I'm tempted to agree with Rausch that marriage exists for only two reasons: to civilize the young, especially young men; and to provide reliable care. He's eliminated all the other reasons: tradition; procreation; child rearing; spirituality; etc.

Also, why do children take their father's names? That seems grossly unfair to me. The only parent we really know about is mothers, so matrilineal society make much more sense to me.

What is a person? Is it birth, moral reasoning? What? How does one lose personhood status?

Why do they put the youngest guys on the bass line in marching bands? It is arguably the toughest instrument to play, and one that most effects the performance of the band, and you've got the youngest and least skilled playing it. Bass line is incredibly difficult. Imagine that you and three other people are playing a pivotal part, but you only get to play every third note. The entire instrument has to sound right -- it's responsible for keeping time for the entire band -- but all four of you need to play together to make it happen. It's completely different from sitting third chair and second chair. In those situations, you usually have someone else playing the same part with you and your part is less important musically. In bass line, you end up playing every third or fourth note of one part. Bass line is also responsible for keeping the beat for the entire band because it's one of the few instruments that can be heard through long distances. Just a bad idea to have the youngest, least experienced, least skillful guys playing bass line and yet it happens in thousands of bands throughout the country every year. Why? Just because they're heavy? Quads weigh just as much as a bass but they're considered glamour instruments.

2004-07-16T12:02:00.000-04:00

Acknowledge the difficulties your circumstances create
Okay, so lots of things are changing in my life.

The gifted and gorgeous Astro is now living with us. I'm very excited about this but it has some issues as well, of course. We've got to work out new roles and responsibilities; everything from doing the laundry to raising kids. No matter how much you prepare for it something also jumps up and bits you in the ass.
Astro sold her house at a huge profit. We don't have to worry quite so much about the cost of diapers.
BubbaCat died. This is affecting me much more than I thought it would. I picked up his ashes earlier this week, and now I'm shopping for urns. I think the fact that it was so sudden really threw me for a loop. I'll never pet him again or have him try to comfort me while I'm crying.
We registered for baby stuff yesterday. Twins are very expensive. I thought we'd done really well by getting a lot of stuff from friends, but then there's the second kid who needs stuff. Ack.
I'm having a small crisis of confidence in my being able to stay home with the kids. I know I can handle them as babies, but I start to get concerned when we talk about toddlers and preschool. Eek. I have to work on "picturing" that in my mind so I'll be more prepared when it happens.
The facile and fetching Sleepy is pregnant. She's been working a lot of nights and when she isn't working she's sleeping, so I haven't seen her much. I've been "short" with her for the last two weeks and didn't know why.
My annual review is coming up (late August timeframe) and I have three big projects 50-90% complete. I really want to get them all done before the review so it's good because,
I'm considering asking my boss to work as an independent contractor once the babies come, instead of just quiting. I'd still create websites and work with databases, but not have to answer quite so many stupid questions. I'm half afraid he'll say no -- then I'll have to find some other part-time out-of-the-house work. Then again, I'm half afraid he'll say yes -- I'd have to set up my own business, advertise that business, get all the software for my home computer, get high-speed internet connected to the house, write up contracts, and most importantly, figure out a way to work from home while the kids are there.
Talking with the guy at work about anxiety.
My jaw is killing me. All the above have resulted in me grinding harder at night and clenching during the day.

Like I said, lots going on. Most of it is good -- moving in, house sold, pregnancy, parenthood. Only BubbaCat dying is undeniable bad. The rest of it is on a wait-and-see basis.

My problem is that stress causes the same physical and mental responses regardless of the cause. I'm horrendously worried that Astro will think this is the way it is all the time, instead of a momentary blip caused by lots of stressful events. And I'm worried that if this is the way I deal with my cat dying, how will I handle a less-physically-healthy baby? Or wife?

So, you see, it's like rolling a snowball downhill; things get worse the more you think about them and the more you think about them the worse it gets. And that's pretty much the definition of anxiety. The good news is that the meds are working! I've always worried that I won't be able to feel bad when lots of crappy things happen simultaneously. It turns out that's not such a concern. I must be on the right dose.

I'm stuck at the crossroads of "Pretending all is well Ave", "Dealing with things Dr", or "Wallowing in my misery Way". It's become clear to me that denying the problem is not working, and I really don't want to wallow. I'm going to have to talk about it, probably until they both want to scream -- and twice, because there are two of them and we're never in one place at the same time -- and do little favors for myself.

Tonight I'm going to take a warm bath and a musle relaxant for my jaw and go to bed early. I was thinking about maybe going to a ballgame, but I'm really tired and think bath and sleep would be more effective. Tomorrow we have a social outing with the church lesbians in the evening, and I'll probably do yardwork during the day. [Physical activity really seems to help. Astro and I went on the hilly walk Tuesday night and I reached a happy point.] I'm also going to try to make sun tea this weekend, and Astro and I were talking about buying a universal machine for the basement.

Oh yeah, and no booze until this is straightened out. The booze doesn't really help, it just makes you feel like it's helping. I'm going to focus on positive coping mechanisms. And, as Sleepy reminded me this morning, "Grief is not medicatable." I've just got to muddle through as best I can and try to isolate the problem.

I'm going to acknowledge my difficulties and address them straightforwardly. I'm going for a vacation down "Dealing With It Drive".

2004-07-14T14:50:00.000-04:00

Dr. Noneya
So, earlier this week I diagnosed a male coworker (the only one I like) with migraines. He confirmed my diagnosis the next morning after a CT scan and taking some Imitrex.

Today, we got to talking in the lunchroom and I realized he's pretty much a textbook case of an anxiety disorder. Trouble sleeping? No sex? Worried all the time? Can't focus? Hard time getting out of bed in the morning? Stopped working out? Mom has it? Yup. Anxiety, maybe with some depression.

We talked for a good half hour and I convinced him to call for a doctor's appointment. (His family doc is giving him the "be a man" lecture and crap. I just want to take that doc and smack him, hard. Talk about a complete lack of empathy.) I talked about some of my struggles and told him that life is much better with medication. I told him I'd bother him every day until he told me that he'd made an appointment. We talked about societal disapproval of mental illness, especially among men. We even talked about reticence to take daily medication and wanting to be able to "fix it by myself". He finally believed me when I told him that it's just going to keep coming back, each time worse than the time before, until he "acts like a man" and takes care of his issues. I think it's fun to turn that machismo shit on its head. He seemed very relieved to have someone to talk with about it.

He just came by, on his way out the door, to his first shrink appointment. I wished him luck.

So I feel that I've done my good deed for the day. The only problem is that listening to him talk about his difficulties just made mine come closer to the surface, and combined with urn shopping, I'm kindof a psychological mess right now. Oy.

2004-07-14T09:45:00.000-04:00

I miss BubbaCat.
Crying at work can be embarassing. Fortunately, no one is around to hear me sobbing.
Shopping for a pet urn while at work is a really bad idea.

I need a hug.

2004-07-12T08:02:00.000-04:00

San Francisco
The day after BubbaCat died, the gifted and gorgeous Astro accompanied me to San Francisco. I had never been to the city and it had been over a decade since Astro had been there. We had a blast!

We stayed with some friends in Oakland. I've gotta tell you, Jane can really make some good steak. Of course, I knew this from our time in DC but she's gotten even better. She's got some really cute dogs, too. I think I could definitely have a little Australian Shepherd around the house.

Day 1: Wednesday
-- Get up really early (4:30A) and drive to Columbus to get on a flight.
-- Finally arrive in Oakland and realize it's only 10:30A there, even though we've been awake for a whole day already.
-- Check in at Jane's and convince Astro that she really wants to go see stuff even though she's really tired.
-- Figured out BART (really not that hard) and put ourselves smack in the Financial District
-- Use the busses/streetcars to get to the Coit Tower. The gifted and gorgeous Astro really likes Art Deco era artistry and was absolutely enraptured by the murals. We both enjoyed learning about Lillie Coit -- let's just say she had an intersting view of firefighters.
-- We took a lovely walk down the amazing Filbert Steps, where I saw my first hummingbird in the wild. Yes, believe it or not, even growing up in Florida I had never seen a wild hummingbird previously.
-- Back home to a lovely dinner and wine. Also, saw my second wild hummingbird while "helping" Jane grill. The fun part was purposely spilling red wine on her old carpet. Cheap thrills!

Day 2: Thursday
Today is a "planned day". Astro spent her summers as a tour guide at an old penitentiary so Alcatraz was a required stop. Despite being warned several times to get ferry tickets well in advance, I botched it. I saved myself by getting tickets to a combined Angel Island/Alcatraz tour.
-- While waiting for our ferry ride we walked through the tourist hell of Pier 39. Unfortunately, only two sea lions came out to play that morning. They were very cute though.
-- I really enjoyed Angel Island. I could easily spend a whole day exploring the island. I felt a little cheated by the canned tram ride that hurried us through the most exciting sections. The food at the little cafe was not even tourist quality but the gift shop was great. I'd definitely recommend it to nature/history oriented people, but make sure you make a day of it. You simply can't do it properly in an hour.
-- Alcatraz was fun, if a bit crowded. We attended a Ranger talk and were astounded by the amount of stupid questions people asked. It's as if they only cared about Al Capone, instead of the island's history as a fort, military prison, nature sanctuary, or its pivotal role in the Indian Movement. There were some little gulls just learning how to fly behind the Ranger, and some lovely "Free Indians" graffiti on the water tower, as people were asking about executions on the island. That being said, the prison tour was awesome. Definitely pay for the audio tour -- it's worth it. We bought some souvenirs, took a picture of the lighthouse (did we mention Alcatraz had the first lighthouse in California?), took pictures of other tourists, and left the Rock.
-- We were in line for the famous cable cars when Astro realized we were at the wrong place! Furthermore, it was a 40 minute wait to get on and it was already time for us to be drinking cocktails at the Tonga Room! Whatever shall we do? There was a guy walking up and down the line offering to take us wherever we needed to go for $5 -- in his limo. And that, my friends, is how I earned my first limo ride. We had some kitchy cocktails, left for faux Chinese food, and went back home.

Day 3: Friday
This was our "unplanned day". We didn't have anywhere to be -- just a list of possible fun things to do. And I've gotta say that I think it was the best day of the trip.
-- We started off by trying to get into the Golden Gate State Park. They've made it quite difficult by not putting up any signs. While the rest of San Francisco was tourist-friendly, I'd recommend allocating extra time to getting in this park. We stumbled around until I finally saw a sign for the Japanese Tea Garden. Whew! We walked in and were instantly surrounded by a sense of calm. We spent a goodly amount of time walking the various paths and bridges, and Astro purchased some souvenirs and weird candy. We even had tea and fortune cookies.
-- While stumbling our way out of the park I drove us past the bison. Astro told some funny stories about buffalo snot and how they can shake your car when they're molting. Fun times, fun times.
-- Our next stop was dinner in North Beach. We decided to get there a different way and almost ended up going over the Golden Gate Bridge. We literally came around the corner and there it was! Thank goodness I saw the "last exit" sign in time. There is a parking lot located conveniently close to exit and we took the time to explore the bridge a little bit. We read all the plaques and walked out a bit on the bridge itself. It was really cool. I got pictures of the Fort Point Light (can you tell I have a thing for lighthouses?) and Astro took pictures of the construction work going on under the bridge (can you tell which of us in the engineer?). Then we did some more souvenir shopping and I got another smashed penny. (I love smashed pennies. Those things are so cool!).
-- After determining that we had, in fact, seen everything we cared to see, we drove through the Presidio in our continuing quest for dinner. Astro had her heart set on eating at "The Stinking Rose, A Garlic Restaurant" and I was in full-throated agreement. All I can say is that everyone should eat there at least once in their life. We liked it so much that I actually purchased the cookbook and a special pin for our camera bag. Yummy!
-- A quick visit to City Lights, right next door, and we went home. We were pooped. For an unplanned day we certainly did a lot! BTW, City Lights is not that special. Just a crowded city bookstore.

Day 4: Saturday
The most exciting part about this day is that the facile and fetching Sleepy arrived! Woohoo! We used her pregnancy as an excuse to make her drive us around to wineries. If the wine was really good we'd let her have a sip (she's at that point where a sip won't hurt anyone). Jane served as a capable tour guide and we proceeded to taste at Pedroncelli, Trentadue, and Clos du Bois. I would highly recommend the port at both Pedroncelli and Trentradue, but Clos du Bois didn't have anything worth sipping. A quick stop at Good Vibrations, dinner, and home.

Day 5: Sunday
The real reason for a vacation in San Francisco was the wedding of Sleepy's classmates, which happened on July 4. We started the day by visiting the Muir Woods redwoods. Those things are awesome! We took some good pictures during the short hike (Sleepy's pregnant, remember?) and headed back to the hotel to primp. I would definitely recommend getting to Muir Woods very early to get a good parking spot. The drive in is spectacular.

We enjoyed a lovely wedding and reception at the Old Federal Reserve Building. It was my first Jewish wedding. The bride and groom managed to get everyone in their wedding party crying. Most of the people attending had known the couple since grade school it seemed and you could really feel the love in the room. I'm confident that this is one of those relationships that are going to "make it". Did I mention that they flew Graeter's ice cream out for the reception? Some people were initially skeptical and then became true believers (Oddly enough, it was also our hostess gift for Jane and Sarah.) Great wedding!

Day 6: Monday
We came home.

2004-07-09T11:48:00.000-04:00

RIP BubbaCat

BubbaCat was MY cat. I would pick him up and pet his belly in front of strangers. He didn't like boys -- except Kevin or James, who would feed him wet food. He'd snuggle with Sleepy or Astro, but only if I wasn't available.

He was my good luck kitty. He came into my life the day I was "let go" in my temping job and three days before I got my first full-time job offer. Sleepy didn't want a cat, and is very allergic to them, so she wouldn't let him sleep in our room. He would sleep right outside the door and snuggle up with this little purple fuzzy thing. He'd drag it around like a security blanket.

He was a gift from our good friends, Mary and Hope. Shortly thereafter, I told Mary about a job opening at my new company -- she was there for five years. He walked right up to her in her building's parking lot. He had mites and had to sport the "reverse mohawk" for several weeks. Cats look funny without any hair between their ears. He also had a GI problem. I'll never forget the look on his face when he'd wake up out of a deep sleep and RUUUUN to the litter box. He never missed, poor guy. We finally got him on a food he could stomach.

He was not a big fan of climbing. In fact, when we first got him he wouldn't dare get on the couch. It seemed like I had to teach him how to jump. He eventually got the hang of it, though he never climbed bookshelves or attempted daring leaps. He did like to leap into my arms. He would give me a "look" that I understood to mean he was about to jump. He'd wait for permission -- me patting my stomach and saying "C'mon, jump" -- and leap into my arms from a standing position on the floor. The rule was that after he performed this trick he'd get to snuggle as long as he wanted. Yeah, he had me trained.

He was a snuggly, loving kitten. He was snuggly as an adult, too. He'd wait every evening for me to lie down on the couch to watch tv; then he'd flop up against me and purr. He had a great purr. He'd also wake me up every morning -- but never before the alarm went off. I swear he'd lurk under the bed until he heard the alarm. He was often up, purring in my ear, before I could even hit the snooze button.

He was very concerned for me when I was sick. I had some minor surgery done two Christmases ago and he didn't leave my bed until I was walking around. Just sat on the end and watched Sleepy and Astro tend to me. They tell me he didn't move except to use the litterbox and eat quickly. He would do the same when I was home for a flu or cold. Somehow his presence made me feel better.

He taught me how to trust again.

He loved catnip. He'd actually roll around in the dried flakes I'd put on the floor and lick them off HalfCat's back. Curiously, he didn't groom. He'd get his face or paws occassionally, but was pretty good about his tail and butt. In fact, in the picture above, I disturbed him while he was "playing his cello". He shed viciously. Huge chunks of hair would fall off whenever he wrestled with HalfCat. You could brush him for hours and he'd still be shedding. We called him ShedBoy sometimes.

He also had really bad breath. I took him to the vet for his annual teeth-cleaning last Monday and he died on the table. It turns out he had an undiagnosed pleural effusion. There really isn't a way to diagnose it without a chest x-ray (that they didn't want to do on him because he's so cranky at the vet's office). We got the call last night that his ashes are back for me to pick up.

He was a good cat and I miss him terribly.

PS: There's also a trip to San Francisco to report on, but this seemed far more important. Poor Bubba. The other cats don't like to snuggle like he did and my evenings on the couch are lonely without him.

2004-06-24T10:19:00.000-04:00

I hope to never again work in an environment with cowbells.

The local manager thinks that it motivates people to goad them with cowbells and a lifeguard's whistle. They seem more annoyed than motivated to my untrained eye, but then again, I'm not a manager. My vast experience with whistles reminds me that a spot of superglue, judiciously applied, will render it inoperable.

Argh.

2004-06-23T15:12:00.000-04:00

Settling in
The graceful and gifted Astro will be in town in one week! Woohoo! We're going to celebrate by going to San Francisco, which I realize is nontraditional, but there's a wedding to attend and this is as good an excuse for a vacation as I could imagine. Woohoo!

I learned how to deal with my monthly mind-numbing tech task: bring in the book on tape from the car and listen. This task takes about three and a half hours to complete, but I only thought of bringing in the book about halfway through. Still, I read three sides before finishing.

Last night the facile and fetching Sleepy and I went to our neighborhood "town hall" meeting. Cincinnati is odd because it's really a collection of small neighborhoods with one council. People in Hyde Park are as different from West Enders as you can imagine. Each neighborhood has its own meetings and gives suggestions to the City Council, which may or may not use our opinions in decision-making.

Last night the big topic was a charter high school moving into an unused building. It was a very frustrating meeting filled with lots of people yelling NIMBY. The vote was 37-4 against them moving in. They would rather have an intersection with three empty buildings than give kids a second chance at receiving a high school diploma. The biggest complaints were about litter in other locations (that they share with many other businesses, so it's not entirely their fault), and bringing "undesirable" kids into the neighborhood. There was actually talk of a curfew (though classes run from 9-5)! My neighbors also didn't know the difference between a GED and a diploma. They think they don't need this kind of service in the neighborhood -- but spend twenty minutes talking about crime and gangs in the neighborhood. It reminded us of our old Norfolk neighborhood that protested the opening of an Eckerd's (pharmacy) because they would have a drive-thru window. (Never mind that it would eliminate a terrible parking situation and actually make the neighborhood look nicer. I saw several of the protest leaders going through the drive-thru in the next few months. Hypocrites.) Anyway -- we're very frustrated with some of our neighbors.

2004-06-18T15:21:00.000-04:00

Friday Five
1. What is the creepiest everyday object you know?
The huge spider web hanging in my garage. It's a Halloween decoration, but it's about three feet in diameter and really pretty freaky. The mini garden claw is also scary and could easily be a weapon.

2. What's the most useful everyday item?
Definitely the crock-pot. I also like my refridgerator. As you can see, I'm very food oriented.

3. What's the most useless everday item?
The back seat of my car. I don't use it very often at all. Also, a watch. I only recently started wearing one, and only because I figure I'll need it to track baby sleep, bowel movements, and such.

4. If the power was out for 24 hours, what would you do?
First, I'd fire up the grill and cook whatever meat was in my fridge. I'd also melt some chocolate and have some fondue. After turning off the grill I'd turn my attention to the wine in the house. I'd read, play some board games, go for a walk, and sleep.

5. If you had to have one item you use everyday surgically attached to you, what would it be, and why?
Pen and paper.

2004-06-18T09:19:00.000-04:00

Religion
As you can see by looking at the "Currently Reading" section I've been doing some reading on fundamental religions of late. Right now it's the Amish; soon it will be Fundamentalist Mormons. I've been thinking about my youth as a Catholic.

It strikes me that all fundamentalist religions have some things in common:

Something that sets them apart from the larger society. For the Catholics, a rosary. For the Amish, the horse and buggy. It's something that shows everyone, members and nonmembers alike, to which group you belong.

Education of Children. The Catholics use Sunday School and a nationwide system of private schools. I remember weekly church services and frequent religion classes. I learned about my sacraments (First Communion and First Reconciliation) in a school context. The Amish support their own one-room schoolhouses and don't educate their children beyond age 14. Mormon teenagers have an hour of schooling each morning before high school. This serves to unite the youngsters with each other and with the larger faith group.

Separation of the Sexes. In all cases this separation deems that men are better than women and is reinforced by tradition, Ordnung, or divine revelation. This separation of duties acts to create an order. Each child knows the expectations of him/her, and knows what the adults are going to do in any given situation.

Large Families. If there's a large family in Cincinnati, you can safely assume they're Catholic. If there's a large family in Utah, or parts of Colorado and Wyoming, one can safely assume they're Mormon. Likewise, in Lancaster or parts of Ohio, one can safely assume they're Amish. These large families are the child's first introduction to society. The family both protects the youngster and enforces the rules of the society. Parents show their kids how to dress, pray, and act with others. The bigger the family, the more opportunities for the kids to act like everyone else in the sect.

Excommunication. When all the markers of the fundamental society fail, they'll excommunicate you. I, myself, would be excommunicated from the Catholic church if I hadn't stopped going on my own. Amish excommunication means complete shunning from family and the community one grew up in. Mormoms actually make it difficult for male members to leave, but it's not fun for them when they do. Excommunication has teeth when it means separating you from the only society you've ever known. Each religion feels that the excommunication is a loving gesture; by giving the person tiem to feel the shame and isolation they'll come back and be restored to the faith.

There are, of course, differences. Lots of them, in fact. But the similarities are amazing. I'd love to learn if other fundamental religions share these characteristics -- Islam, Jew, Hindu, especially.

2004-06-16T14:45:00.000-04:00

Pinkie Fingers
Did you know that your pinkie fingers uses different nerves than your other fingers? It's funny how you don't notice something until it goes wrong. Today they're sore bilaterally, which I guess is better than just one being sore. It's as if I typed all day yesterday.

The Reds game last night was awesome! It seems that every time I go to a game they go into extra innings. This does not bode well for my plans tonight -- we're going to the game again. Junior didn't get his 500th homer, but I almost didn't expect it. I was pleased the Barry Larkin returned to the lineup. The company was good, the hot dogs were good, and the game was fun to watch. Overall, you can't ask for more than that.

It also seems that every time I go to the ballpark I sit next to one of three types: the fat stinky guy, the frat boys, or the self-conscious chicks -- sometimes all of them at once. Last night was the fat stinky guy. He brought his son (who was dutifully wearing his glove) and proceeded to completely ignore the kid. He pulled out his digital video camera during warm ups and started filming. It was when he stole my armrest AND my foot room that I'd had enough. Really, everything was fine until he began encroaching in my personal space.

2004-06-15T10:09:00.000-04:00

House Woes
Been working hard around the house. I decided that this weekend was the time to tackle the pine tree out front. I trimmed it such that I can actually get under it to mow. Since there were some pretty big branches coming down, I sawed the big ones into small logs for the fireplace next winter -- they're happily aging in the woodpile. I picked up most of the dead cicada carcasses around the tree because they were really starting to stink.

Then I moved on to leaf pickup. You'd think that I wouldn't have to worry about that until the fall, but the cicadas are wreaking havoc. They kill the tips of the branches when they lay their eggs, which then fall down in storms or high winds (we've been having a lot of both lately). This is convenient for the cicadas because the eggs are now closer to the ground and can dig themselves in. There were so many leaves in the front yard it looked like fall -- three (30 gallon) bags of just leaves before all was said and done. I couldn't mow the lawn until that was done.

Yesterday I mowed ... finally. I just had to get the pine tree branches and leaves out of the way before I could perform such a silly task.

Oh, I also got the sunflowers, strawberries, and morning glories planted this weekend. I also got all the planters officially planted -- more strawberries, separated two tomato plants from one basket to two, and got the parsley and baby's breath flowers done. Whew!

Last night I spent my time doing last minute fixes to the folding deck bench and cleaning up the basement. What with all the moving and painting rigamarole it had gotten quite disheveled. But it's all fixed now, and I've incorporated most of the graceful and gifted Astro's tools into the house. At least they look pretty sitting on the shelf; I have no idea how to use a voltmeter.

Tonight and tomorrow I'm attending Reds games. Some medical school friends are completely beside themselves at the thought that Junior might hit his 500th home run. I, of course, have never been known to object to attending a baseball game.

I'm not seeing a whole lot of the facile and fetching Sleepy because she's, well, sleepy. She's been working a string of night shifts (7P-7A) followed by the 1P-11P shift. I think she has a day off on Thursday. Our 12:30A conversations have been somewhat stilted.

The gifted and graceful Astro is in the process of selling her house. You'd think that with the amount of people moving at any given time it'd be a lot easier to buy and sell real estate. This is the fifth real estate transaction between the lot of us and it always seems more difficult than it has to be {sigh}. She returned home on Sunday night to discover that someone had ruined a window, and the damage could be seen from the street. Turns out idiot-boy wants to put in a bid (he also "lost" the lockbox to the house so no one could see it for a day) so the realtor is paying to fix the window.

After all the work she's put into the house the windows are about the only things that she hasn't already replaced. No really -- she's completely relandscaped the yard (with help from yours truly), added a lovely porch, upgraded the fence, replaced the roof, added vinyl siding, installed central heat and air, replaced the water pump and hot water heater, and added a porch swing. What else is there to do? So, she was pissed that someone had damaged her house but decided that's why she's paying the realtor. Grr. I told her that she should definitely try to get someone else interested in the house just to see the look on this guy's face when he doesn't get it. I already don't like him and I'm hundreds of miles away; it's just one more thing that she really shouldn't have to worry about. The good news of the whole situation is that she's going to make a cubic butt-ton of money on the house and not have to pay capital gains tax on it (up to 200K free). Woohoo!

Turns out I had more to say than I thought I did.

2004-06-10T08:18:00.000-04:00

ow!!
there will be no capital letters today; punctuation will also be at a minimum. i spent yesterday evening creating flower beds and my left hand hurts. turns out that the soil around here is clay. i do all my keys with my left hand (no, i don't know why). so in order to minimize pain, i'm avoiding capital letters and the key.

so it turn out that the deck is built over a patio -- but not quite completely. while i was making a small bed (for little pretty flowers) yesterday i kept hitting concrete in one area. further investigation showed a circular outline of concrete. i'm wondering what's under there. it's a mystery.

it turns out i'm actually in pretty good shape. the graceful and gifted astro has also been working in her yard for the last few days, trying to get it in shape to go on the market. the problem is that she's not too familiar with poison ivy and is doing it all with no skin exposed -- and it's about 90 degrees outside. she's one tired puppy. i feel kindof guilty about not doing it for her, but it's been much more difficult with a plane ride between us instead of a quick car ride. se la vie se la va.

we've got friends coming in for a quick visit (note to self: avoid q) this weekend. i've been getting the guest room ready by moving all of the graceful and gifted astro's clothing into the appropriate closets. we're going to perform some artful culling soon -- we've expanded into all available closets. really, what do we need all these clothes for?

2004-06-08T13:30:00.000-04:00

Update

Work is ... going. I think I may actually miss a deadline for the first time in ages. It's mostly a motivation problem. I just can't get excited about the projects, especially knowing that I'll leave in a few months. So it's going. Yesterday they asked me to move my desk (again) because they've got some new people coming in. I, of course, obliged. I'm thankful that it's quieter over here, and I have a window!

Babies are great! There are two of them in there! We had our big ultrasound on Friday and everything looks good. They're the right size to each other and their age. The gifted and graceful Astro was able to fly in early to attend. The whole thing lasted about an hour and a half. I'm shocked at all the measurements they do on them. We went to a "cup party" (where everyone brings a cup representative of their personality as a conversation starter) later that evening with homemade pictures of them. It's sitting on my desk now -- one of Baby A, one of Baby B, and one of a head and a bum. Cute babies. We're still taking name suggestions; email them to the address on the right.

The house is finally settling down. I supervised the placement of the gifted and graceful Astro's belongings. They are stacked in two rooms of the house. I've cleaned out our closet to make room for her, and her drawers are still standing empty. We've been spending our time comforting the facile and fetching Sleepy in our time and haven't done any unpacking. Tonight I'm going to try to get her clothes stashed away because we have friends coming on Saturday who need the room.

Last night I did the world's fastest lawn mowing. I'm researching trimmer/edgers because the sidewalks are starting to look scruffy. I noticed that one of the gutter covers has popped off a corner; that will need my attention this weekend. The "garden" is going well. Last night the fetching and facile Sleepy pulled me out on the deck because she thought one of tomato plants was very weedy. I explained that those were carrot seedlings and that they are a good companion to tomatoes. The herbs are also doing well. Perhaps I'll actually get to plant the sunflowers this weekend (I'm thinking of using the cicada tunnels).

Speaking of cicadas, those things are Nasty with a capital N. Yuck. The flying doesn't really bother me; I think of them as uncoordinated dragonflies and all is well. The problem is that they're starting to die off and mounds of decaying insects stink. I filled two yard bags with their carcasses last week and I know I'll get at least one more this week. I'm just trying to keep the smell down at this point. Yuck. I'm just glad they don't think my lawnmower is a giant cicada (they swarm then). Yet another reason to stick with the electric.

The cats are getting along quite well (though I did hear some hissing this morning). They all try to herd me down the stairs in the morning to feed them. Is there anything funnier than cat butts headed down stairs? BC is upset because we haven't been snuggling enough for his tastes. Perhaps this evening will include some serious couch time for us. I could really use the opportunity to watch some TV.

Pregnant Dad Weight Gain sucks! I didn't really mind the first five pounds -- my weight fluctuates that much on a weekly basis anyway -- but this second five pounds is annoying. It would help if I could go to the gym, but I'm so busy doing stuff around the house that I don't think I went the entire month of May. And now is just not a convenient time to get the "low carb headache". What I find really annoying is that I'm actually exercising -- carrying boxes, lawnmowing, etc -- but just not losing the weight. I swear I sweat every day! It's only going to get worse when the babies come...

I'm planning a trip to San Francisco (thank you Jane for letting us stay with you). The fetching and facile Sleepy has a coworker's wedding to attend, and the gifted and graceful Astro really needs a break. Between moving, selling her house, leaving her job, defending her Master's thesis, and random work stress she needs a little vacation. Astro and I are going to be out there for about four days, Sleepy just for one night. On the day Sleepy is available we're going to do Muir Woods. Also on the list, but not necessary for Sleepy, are Chinatown, Alcatraz, and the Diego Rivera Museum. I've got five tour books from the library and am scouring them for ideas, but I'm always willing to listen to my legions of readers.

After the ultrasound Friday morning we went out to Historic Loveland Castle. I recommend it for anyone in the Cincinnati area. It was far enough away to not have cicadas, but close enough to still be a quick drive. We had a lovely picnic and toured the castle. I think it's safe to say that Harry Andrews had a screw loose, but at least it was a safe screw. I anticipate spending a lot of time there when the babies are toddler and preschool age.

So, that's about it. I'm sure there's other stuff, but I've got to get to work.

Speak!

2004-06-02T13:56:00.000-04:00

Please Read
I agree with Bill in his latest posting (May 22). Please go read it.

2004-06-01T13:59:00.000-04:00

Deploy Visors
I understand that we've all been away from work for three days. However, I believe you'll get better results by using your car's sun visors than driving with one hand blocking the sun and the other conveying food and beverage to your mouth.

I've lived through some pretty horrible sun delays. I drive into the sun going to and coming from work. I understand that it's a pain in the ass. But don't you think you should use the options the engineers have thoughtfully provided?

2004-05-27T16:09:00.000-04:00

Voting Machine Mayhem
The Feministe Pirate directs us to this lovely article at law.com about errors in the iVotronic touch-screen voting machines.

If people made it, people can break it. People also make honest mistakes. The only way to have a valid election, in my opinion, is to have two sets of people actually read ballots.

Also, why are we "exporting democracy" when we can't even count votes? Anyone got an answer to this?

2004-05-26T13:48:00.000-04:00

Let's Make a Deal
When I create a beautiful document explaining the product (full of pictures and everything) I expect you to look at it before calling me for help.

If you insist on ignoring the manual I will reference it several times during our conversation.

Simple tradeoff: when I spend days making the document I expect you to use it. RTFM

2004-05-26T10:45:00.000-04:00

Getting Everything Ready
The house is about ready to receive the graceful and gifted Astro's belongings. Rooms are vacuumed, emptied, and labelled. The wallpaper on the main stairway is protected with cardboard. I actually cleaned up some stuff last night so it looks less messy. The problem is that Sleepy likes things to be neat and clean when she returns from trips, and that's just not going to happen tonight.

I had a cooking disaster with chicken last night. First, it wasn't defrosted enough. Then, the probe thermometer must have been in the wrong place because it went off too early. I cut into it and the juices were not running clear. Ick. Since it was already 9:30 at that point I threw it out and had a Hot Pocket for dinner. I'm not giving up on the recipe, but it'll have to wait for another week or so before I try again. I try a new recipe each week; this year it's baking, chicken (whole preferred because it's cheaper), and asian fusion (because Astro loves it).

I've decided also that when I die I want my body to be returned to the earth. Just let the animals eat me. The notion of placing me on a tall platform for the scavengers is very appealing. It just seems unnatural to me to embalm, encase in an airproof container, and bury something that won't decompose for hundreds of years. Ashes to ashes and dust to dust, I say. I wonder if that's even possible in this day and age?

2004-05-25T08:16:00.000-04:00

I follow very few arbitrary and absolute rules. Here are two:
1) One should always wash and clean out one's car for weddings and funerals (baptisms and graduations optional).
2) One should always wear one's best outfit to weddings and funerals (baptisms and graduations optional).

I'm amazed by how many people in my office have chosen not to show proper respect to the deceased and his family.

2004-05-24T11:49:00.000-04:00

Weekend Report
Friday night flight: A
Seeing Astro for the first time in nine weeks: A+++++++++
Dinner at the Diner: A

Up at 4:30 Saturday morning: D
Med School Graduation: B
Playing with the kids: A
Seeing the beach: A
Drive back: B

Sunday morning yardwork: B
Brunch with new people: A+++
Slurpee on the way to the airport: A
Coming home to an empty house: C

Overall: A

Cicada Watch: Those little buggers are ugly. They've left their exoskeletons in the yard (which needs to be mowed). They're climbing up the oak tree in the front yard; it looks as though the bark is moving. Yuck. None inside the house yet, but there probably will be after all of the graceful and gifted Astro's household belongings arrive in the next few days.

2004-05-20T14:16:00.000-04:00

Death and Dying
Monday he called and said he couldn't do his delivery route.

Tuesday morning his wife called and said she wasn't coming into work because she was taking him to the hospital. A neighbor took the son to school and arranged to pick up the carpool (He's the daddy daycare in the neighborhood)

Tuesday midmorning her friends (and his) left work to visit them in the emergency room. He was unconscious and not speaking. He didn't recognize anyone.

Tuesday afternoon they moved him to intensive care. He was sitting up and talking with his son.

Wednesday morning brought a better CAT scan and positive diagnosis of a brain aneurysm.

Thursday morning brought "no news is good news".

Thursday lunch she was driving home for a shower when she was called on the cell phone and told "He's taken a downturn". She dropped by work, where her friends are, and had one of them drive her back to the hospital.

Her sister picked up their son from school. Her other sister called the parish priest for last rights.

The friends from work (they've worked together for twenty-some-odd years in a variety of businesses) rallied around her.

And that brings us to now.

He's dying. He's a good guy. She doesn't drive, so he took her everywhere. He was uninsurable, so she worked.

They loved their son immensely (finally adopted him after years and years of trying). They would show up at 4:55 every afternoon and my work day would be interrupted by the sound of nine-year-old feet stampeding to the licorice in the vending machine. I gave him all my Happy Meal toys.

I wish he didn't have to lose his father. I wish she didn't have to lose her husband. I hope they don't spend the rest of their lives wracked with guilt. He was a good man, with a genetic illness where men die around forty, and he really enjoyed his life -- because they were in it. Now they'll have to find a way to enjoy their lives without him.

2004-05-20T01:00:00.000-04:00

Melissa Ferrick Rocks!
Literally just got back from her concert. Tomorrow is gonna suck rocks but it was SO worth it. She sings this one song, Drive, that's all about sex (duh). There was one point where I'm sure she had the entire crowd of lesbians holding their breaths for about two minutes. She got to the climax and everyone suddenly took a deep breath. Fucking awesome. I'm glad I went even though I'm going to have to caffeinate tomorrow.

The only bad part is that there wasn't anyone with me. No one to hold my hand or dance with me. No one to lean on. No one to have quickie sex in the bathroom. Eh. There'll be plenty of other Melissa Ferrick concerts to attend.

Excuse me, I've got some "business" to take care of.

2004-05-17T15:01:00.000-04:00

Whew! I'm glad that's done!
The dining room is painted, and it looks wonderful! I considered sleeping in there last night.

I also mowed the lawn (note to self: don't fertilize) and traded beds with a friend. The twin will really fit into our house better than the queen. Besides, she might have a girlfriend soon and you know queen-sized beds are much better than twins for that sort of thing. The funniest part was convincing some other friends to come over with the truck to make the switch; it doesn't help that there's an hour and a half between the two farthest houses. It's good to know that booze still counts as payment -- only now it's chocolate-hazelnut liquor instead of beer.

We're almost ready for the floor guy to come tomorrow. The cats are going to the vet's tonight (they hate the vet). I'm going to spend a whole lot of time on the couch when I get them home.

I'm pooped.

Cicada Watch: some on the little bushes out back. They were just hanging out. No noise or annoying behaviors yet.

2004-05-14T13:59:00.000-04:00

Local Library
I love my local library. Not only are the within walking distance, but I can have any book in the Cincinnati system delivered there for me.

I learned yesterday that they don't keep a record of the books I've loaned. At first I was disappointed because I wanted to keep my list of books read in the column over there ---->> current. But then I thought, "If the library doesn't have it there's no way the feds can get it." Even though I don't do anything to interest the feds I'm extremely glad to know the library is watching my back. Thanks!

Comments

2004-05-13T16:18:00.000-04:00

This Old House
The repair guy that came out yesterday was absolutely awesome! The gifted and graceful Astro was almost inviting him to live in our spare room. We can bake things now (oven heating element replaced)! We can see things cooking in the microwave (light bulb replaced)! We don't risk bodily injury chopping on the counter (overhead light fixed) Unfortunately, our fridge water is not filtered -- but that's because he actually refused to do a crappy job. This is my kind of guy!

Inside, I've got the first coat of primer on the dining room walls. I'm considering putting the paint on over the first coat. After all, the primer isn't supposed to completely obscure the earlier color, right?

My roses are blooming like wildfire! I have to admit that I wasn't too excited initially about the roses, but several of our bushes are really quite nice and not at all pretentious. The Knockouts are in full bloom, and will remain that way until Thanksgiving; at least they did last year. The roses I rescued from the vines already have little pink blooms. The bush of mini roses that demarcates the driveway is just begging to finally bloom, and the wild roses that I cut back severely have already returned. All this since Saturday!

The Japanese Maple makes a lovely contrast to the Snowball Tree. The azalea bush -- that the facile and fetching Sleepy didn't even know existed -- is completely covered in little white flowers. The bed of daylilies is about midthigh high but hasn't started blooming quite yet.

The countdown to seeing my gifted and graceful Astro is just two weeks. Thank goodness! I really miss her.

Comments

2004-05-12T14:37:00.000-04:00

American Roast Beef, Yes Sir (ARBY's)
I'm a consummate coupon shopper. So when I noticed that the two-for-one deal on Arby's beef-and-cheese was about to expire, I simply had to get them. It's not my fault they were cold. It's not my fault they wrap the damn things in aluminum foil. It is my fault that I threw them in the microwave without looking and started a fire. My coworkers thought the flames licking up the side of the bag was really funny. I had to throw the damn thing in the sink and turn it one.

Fortunately, the wrap is strong and my sandwiches did not get soaked. They were quite tasty.

I have a feeling I'll be receiving a fire extinguisher at the annual Christmas party this year.

Comments

2004-05-11T16:16:00.000-04:00

My Apologies
I'm sorry I haven't blogged in so long. I've been as busy as a one-armed paper-hanger. Projects around the house are progressing nicely. The folding deck bench is done! The deck has its top layer of stain! The seedlings are about ready to go in the ground, and the roses are budding. Mulch has been spread and everything looks lovely.

The colors for the dining room have been chosen through a painstakingly difficult process. We spend entirely too much money on getting color samples because the only way to get the right color is to actually do a swatch on the wall. The beige color was too yellow (but will probably reappear in the nursery). The fetching and facile Sleepy's green was too green and mine was too brown. I discovered, though, that mixing the two greens provided just the right color. At least I didn't have to buy any more of that; paint is expensive! Everything has been spackled and sanded, and I've caulked the chair rail. All that's left to do is tape and paint. It all has to be done this weekend because the floor guy is coming in to refinish the floors next Tuesday morning.

Yes, you read that right ... nursery ... WE'RE EXPECTING TWINS!!!

Now you know the real reason I haven't been posting much. I'm too busy getting everything together before bed rest is enforced and the gifted and graceful Astro finally moves into the house. I'm told that feeling this way is completely normal.

Comments

2004-04-30T17:26:00.000-04:00

She's one amazing woman
Astro has completed her latest solar orbit. She's now working on her fourth decade of life.

One of these days I'll give you a whole list of reasons I admire Astro, but it'll have to wait until August.

2004-04-28T15:40:00.000-04:00

Required Reading
I've read a lot of feminist theory, feminist literature, feminist articles, and feminist rants, (Women's Studies minor) but Notes to a Young Feminist by Dorothy Allison is the best thing I've read in years. It's crying-at-work, tell-everyone-about-it, seeing-your-soul, good.

Right on sister!

2004-04-27T14:32:00.000-04:00

Progress
Well, the glue is finally all off the dining room wall. Now I just have to respackle (it turns out that spackling before you apply water is useless. duh), sand, and doing some test swatches. Perhaps we'll take a picture with the new digital camera to get feedback from the gifted and gorgeous Astro.

I've turned into a suburban homeowner.

This realization is immensely disturbing. The facile and fetching Sleepy and I spent some time this weekend giving the lawn weed-n-feed (we're going with the Scott's plan). Why am I walking behind a lawn spreader while the facile and fetching Sleepy protects the rose bushes with a giant piece of cardboard? It's somewhat surreal. I never _used_ to care about dandelions. I thought they're rather pretty, and it's quite fun to blow the seeds. Now I'm picking flower heads every day after work and treating the yard. When did this transformation begin? Is it permanent?

2004-04-26T09:37:00.000-04:00

Funny stuff
Please, go visit the Right Wing Eye That's hilarious!

2004-04-23T14:59:00.000-04:00

Where are my priorities?
The Mets are playing an afternoon game at Wrigley Field today. Why the hell am I at work?

Maybe I can convince Sleepy to join me for a game this weekend. Dayton's sold out, but Columbus and Lexington are looking like good options. I seriously need me some baseball time.

I actually had the opportunity to chat with the gifted and gorgeous Astro this morning! She had some success in the lab yesterday that should make her thesis defense much easier. Woohoo! She deserves the chips to fall her way for once.

2004-04-22T10:33:00.000-04:00

Congratulations!
The facile and fetching Sleepy has successfully completed her solar orbit. Way to go! I'm proud of you!

It's pretty cool having a wife who was born on the first Earth Day. At the very least I can always remember how old she is. It's like having your wedding on Valentine's Day -- you'll never forget to get flowers!

2004-04-21T16:33:00.000-04:00

I just overheard my coworkers discussing a mutual acquaintance. One said, "He's got so much money; why doesn't he live in a fancier house? It's big, but it's plain. You'd never know he was loaded!"

To which I thought, "I hope someone says that about me someday."

Different priorities I guess.

2004-04-19T10:31:00.000-04:00

Busy, busy weekend
This weeked was filled with outdoorsy things for me and social things for Sleepy (Astro is still being eaten alive by the thesis project). Friday I touched up the parts of the deck that are peeling. I attended my Women & Finance class Saturday morning and picked up mulch on my way home. Two hours (and 81 cubic feet of mulch later) the rosebeds were done and I had to take a shower to get ready for a party. Sleepy was kind enough to keep my water cup full; and she swept the garage! We partied with some friends for a few hours, then changed clothes and walked to a wedding reception (they got hitched in San Francisco before the ban).

That's more socializing than I usually do in a week! I was tuckered out!

I got up early the next morning to spread the last three bags of mulch and pick dandelions. Our neighborhood shows a great disparity among dandelion pickers. There are spots in our yard so overrun by the little flowers that I'm seriously considering digging it all up and putting in a prety patch of ... something.

Anyway, then we went to church and to the hardware store for some colors to throw on the dining room wall. We want to make sure we don't get the wrong colors, and the only way to know for sure is to put some up and view it under a variety of circumstances. We did a quick trip to Big Lots to see some patio furniture. I liked some stuff they had but Sleepy was reticent. It turns out this is one thing I've done more research on than she has! We returned home and I touched up the deck some more. Came inside reluctantly and ended up talking to both sets of parents (ugh!). Fortunately, I had some Texas Toast so I was happy. We watched some TV and went to bed.

<rant>The deck is really pissing me off. It was completely ugly when we moved in and I began staining it last year. Sleepy helped and I thought we were done last fall. Lo and behold, this year I notice that _huge sections_ are peeling off. WTF? I cleaned that deck to within an inch of its life before I introduced it to stain! I followed all the directions! I cleaned, dried, waited between coats of stain, everything! And it has the audacity to peel like that?!? So I'm touching everything up now. Sleepy has said, and she's right, that it'll look even better if I put down another layer across everything. The good thing is that the deck is alreay about 20 years old. How much can we reasonable expect? We're going to take it out and put in a paved patio area when Sleepy is an attending doctor instead of a lowly and poorly paid resident (three more years). So it just has to make it until then. I just think the damn thing is ungrateful. {sigh}</rant>

I'm still waiting for that highly glamorous gay lifestyle.

2004-04-17T08:25:00.000-04:00

Note to self: Mistaking the tube of Vagisil for toothpaste requires the immediate procurement of a new toothbrush.

2004-04-16T13:49:00.000-04:00

Officially stressed
Careful readers may have observed that the last few weeks have been filled with small concerns. It seems as though I have twenty projects in the works, but none of them are close to completion. I thought I was handling everything pretty well. Sleepy noted two days ago, in one of her infrequent periods of consciousness, that my jaw was noisy (I have stress TMJ) I decided to sleep a little later and watch some teevee. Yesterday morning I woke up a stress sore in my mouth. It's almost as the area had been irritated, but they're caused by stress.

I acknowledge that the universe is sending me a message. What am I supposed to do now?

2004-04-13T15:33:00.000-04:00

Alarm Difficulties
Sleepy's alarm continued going off this morning and I finally got up, thinking I was going to be fifteen minutes late for work -- but ended up forty minutes early. Damn alarm clocks! So I'm getting an unhealthy amount of work done today.

I finally got the vines in the back yard trimmed; they were taking over the bulb bed. My efforts were strongly rewarded when the tulips started coming up the very next day. We've got yellow daffodils right next to bright red tulips. Though it isn't a color swatch I would use, I have to admit it's pretty nice. Next year we're going to get a few more daffodils to fill in the bed and Sleepy has requested more crocuses.

Inside the house, I've finished spackling the holes in the dining room. Did you know they have color change spackle now? That stuff rocks! Now I have to get the rest of the adhesive off and do a little sanding. The fun part will be deciding what colors to use. The bottom is already a very pretty rose that Astro is partial to, but it's really scuffed up and should be repainted. They also didn't cover up some previous spackling with the correct color and it looks weird. I've been very clear with Sleepy that I'm not repainting the entire downstairs -- just the dining room. I'm standing firm on that decision and it appears she's suprised by that (then again, she did sleep through the whole wallpaper removal process).

All inside work is on hold until I get the current cross stitch project completed, though. Some friends of ours from church are having their wedding reception this weekend (the wedding was last month in San Francisco) and I'm desperately trying to finish this project tonight because we still have to get it matted and framed (Sleepy's specialty). I have a feeling it may have to go to the store with us tonight so they can take measurements but then come back.

Oh, and I've lost another library book. I was really enjoying it, too. I'm going to report it officially lost tonight and tell them that I've already ordered a replacement. I'm always so disappointed in myself when I lose library books. It's a good kind of guilt.

Recommended Reading:

Everyone must learn and use properly the difference between historic and historical.

Rwandans Are Struggling To Love Children of Hate in the Washington Post. People in the US tend to overlook rape used as a form of genocide. This article will put to sleep some of those ideas you may have had.

And then, of course, women who fight in the war don't get the respect they deserve after the fact. Respected in Battle, Overlooked at Home, again in the Washington Post, highlights the difficulties Eritrean women have encountered.

The Post also calls the "don't ask don't tell" policy an Insulting Waste and I agree with them. I don't understand why we're working so hard to keep people out of military when we clearly need as many good people as we can get.

In Math, Computers Don't Lie. Or Do They? is a fascinating article from the New York Times (free registration required). If you're at all interested in the computer's impact on society I suggest you read it.

2004-04-06T13:28:00.000-04:00

You are a GRAMMAR GOD!

If your mission in life is not already to
preserve the English tongue, it should be.
Congratulations and thank you!

How grammatically sound are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-04-06T09:11:00.000-04:00

A Different Kind of Digging
I've gotten a whole lot of yardwork done recently. Yesterday I went out to trim down the vines in the back yard and unearthed four new rose bushes. They're small, but they are definitely rose bushes. It was surprising to find them in there; I was wearing the wrong gloves for that sort of thing.

The vines are on two of the three sides of the fence and I thought I'd get them all done yesterday, but I only got the side by the rose bushes done. I'm starting to wonder about what I'll find on the other side...

Yard tasks:

~~Trim the pretty groundcover out of the lawn. Recreate that barrier.~~

~~Pick up and store all the deadfall from the trees. I'm too cheap to pass up free kindling. Those two loads will be handy next winter.~~

Trim the holly and evergreen bush in the front of the house. Create non-prickly path to the second water faucet. Make sure the "herb garden" in the front will have good souther sun without holly shade. Also get the holly out of the adjacent magnolia bush.

Mulch rose bush bed. Measure before buying mulch. Keep in mind that strawberries have to go there later in the summer.

~~Get weeds and grass out of bed around oak tree.~~

Trim vines in back yard. They're starting to obscure the fence and get into the neighbor's yard.

Remove leftover dirt from window boxes on front of the house.

2004-04-01T17:24:00.000-05:00

Digging Deeper
You must go read this article about Diebold voting machines. It's long, but it has to be long to demonstrate the difficulty inherent in electronic voting.

I believe that people are hard enough to trust without having to trust their machines. If a person can code it, another person can crack it.

This line, on page 3 of the article, jumped out at me:

While hanging chads distracted the nation, a few people noticed that in a Volusia County precinct where only 412 people voted, a Diebold system actually deleted votes for Gore, giving him minus 16,022 votes.

I'm from Volusia County! So is Sleepy! It's where I was first registered to vote. I wonder where that happened exactly? So I followed the link to more information and found that they mentioned precinct 216. Okay, that's good, it's a start.

Where exactly is precinct 216? It's a big county, including Daytona Beach, so there's a good chance it's nowhere near my hometown. I went to the Board of Elections site and found they had a map that would pan me around town but didn't show the precincts. I figured, what the hell?, and plugged in my old address and learned that it was in precinct 208. Reasoning that the two are probably pretty close, I began the laborious process of panning the picture to find precinct 216 (it turns out they're not as close as I thought they were).

And there it was. Polling place 751 S. Alabama Ave DeLand, FL. Why do they share a polling place with precinct 215? Why do precincts 213 and 212 look all not together like that? Well, let's get one of those nifty satellite views.

Hey -- that's the park near the ball fields. The neighborhood I couldn't walk around in. The neighborhood my mother or father always accompanied me to. The neighborhood that "wasn't safe" ....

Where the black people lived.

I wish I could tell you differently. I wish I could tell you that it wouldn't have happened in the white part of town. I wish I couldn't drive past the restaurant where black people can't go. I wish I hadn't heard stories about the town refusing to play host to Jackie Robinson because the lights at the ballfield were broken -- at 2 in the afternoon. I wish there hadn't been a race riot at the high school less than ten years ago. I wish that there had been more than three black kids in the Homecoming court last year.

But it is.

Each of us has to ask: What am I going to do about it?

2004-04-01T11:10:00.000-05:00

Another First
My hearty congratulations to Candace Parker for winning the slam dunk contest. That last dunk, where you covered your eyes, was sweeeeeet. The guys may have more impressive dunks but it don't count if you can't sink 'em.

I can't wait until all these firsts are done. Won't that be a great day?

2004-03-31T15:32:00.000-05:00

Here's your sign...
There's a country song that declares all idiots should wear a sign proclaiming the fact. I just sat in a 1.5 hour phone meeting with a guy who needs this sign:

bloviate (v): To discourse at length in a pompous or boastful manner.
synonyms: come unglued, bluster, huff, rant, rave, soapbox, splutter

I was initially really upset with him, but then realized that the longer he talked the more of an idiot everyone realized he was. Ignorance, and bad breath, is always easier to identify when one's mouth is open.

And don't tell me that something can't be done when I've already done it --especially if everyone knows that I've done it. Because you will look like an ass and I'll come up smelling like roses.

2004-03-31T12:41:00.000-05:00

Now You've done it!
It's official. Crazy Tracy has killed her TV.

I wish I could kill my TV. Just turn off the DirecTV and the Tivo. I've gone several months without TV and haven't noticed any problems. I read more. I go for more long walks. I actually dust off the Monopoly game. But it's just not an option for us at this time.

Astro is not the problem -- she doesn't watch TV anyway because she's far too busy. But Sleepy loves the boob tube. Watches it religiously. It's for her that we got the Tivo (and I have to admit that it is pretty convenient). It's pretty much the only way she can relax after a stressful day at work. She's addicted to the law shows (Law and Order type shows) and American Idol. Fortunately, we agree on The L Word, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, and The West Wing.

I pretty much only watch if there's a game on. I've set up the Tivo so that it tapes every edition of Modern Marvels, Mythbusters, Good Eats (Alton Brown taught me how to cook), Whoopi, Mail Call, and Ground Force America. I'm quickly coming to enjoy Worlds Apart. Hey, at least it's almost all educational!

Astro is partial to SpongeBob Square Pants and Bob the Builder the few times she actually gets to watch anything. I try to tape a few episodes of each when she comes to visit.

It's still a whole heck of a lot of TV. I came to the conclusion when we moved in that I wasn't going to just sit in front of the boob tube any longer. I work out and walk a lot, always with a book on tape. That way, even if I'm at the rec center I get to listen to something at least cogent. At home I cross-stitch while I listen to TV. I've made quite a few nice things that way. Right now I'm working on a baby announcement that got a lot of work done last night during the basketball games (though not a whole lot in the second half of Tennessee-Stanford. Was that a great game or what?). If Sleepy or Astro is around I'll snuggle them instead of cross-stitching. That's a really good use of my time.

House News: I got the rose bushes pruned last night. I was doing the last little bit in the rain but at least it's done. I'm scared I may have gone too far with some of them, but there's really only one way to know. Wish me luck in the next few months. I hope I didn't kill them. Oh, and I have one teeny tiny seedling in the seeds I planted last week (a tomato). They have until the weekend before I start poking around in the dirt, and maybe starting all over again.

2004-03-30T10:27:00.000-05:00

Thank you for existing
Have you ever been going about your daily routine and seen an absolutely stunning woman? She didn't flirt with you, or even notice you, but it made your day better? That's a "Thank you for existing" moment.

I had one this morning while driving to work. A little red Beetle zoomed into the merge lane in front about a mile in front of me. I noticed and smiled inwardly. Then the Beetle got off at my exit -- and then it made my next turn! The right taillight was not working, and I was early for once, so I decided to follow it for a little while and tell the driver if it wasn't too far out of my way. Sure enough, the guy pulls into an office building less than a mile away from mine. I told him about the taillight and drove away. When I next look in my rear view mirror he was popping the hood to check the wires.

It just made my day a little brighter and put a smile on my face. Thank you for existing.

2004-03-29T16:14:00.000-05:00

Busy Weekend
I spent the weekend removing wallpaper. You see, we purchased this house knowing that the dining room had wallpaper startlingly similar to the picture at right (imagine it with a white background and you have the picture). As if that weren't enough, the curtains pretty much matched. It was just hideous. Eating in that room was miserable.

We planned to pull up the carpet in those rooms to expose the beautiful hardwood floors. This would help Sleepy's allergies and just generally be a good idea. [Why do people put carpet over hardwood floors? Are they crazy or just stupid?] Then we'd strip the wallpaper and repaint the walls. Maybe the curtains wouldn't be so bad by themselves, but Astro and I are both handy with a sewing machine. It'd be fine. It'd take maybe a weekend or two.

Wrong! Wallpaper is a bitch to remove! You have to choose first between chemicals and steaming. Then, you have to protect the floor so you don't get sticky nasty wallpaper shreds on it. Remember as you go that just the paper isn't enough. You've got to get the paper backing off the walls as you go. The backing is specifically designed to stick to the wall. Basically, I spent all of Saturday on top of a steamer scraping away at wallpaper. The only good thing is that there was only one layer (saints be praised!) Sleepy went to sleep when I started and woke up when everything was done and cleaned up. It was like the wallpaper fairies visited for her.

This "little project" is turning into a big adventure. We're eating in that damned dining room every day when this is done as far as I'm concerned. The carpet took an entire evening to get off the floor. The cats had decided to mark their territory (they don't have a history of this) and the stench was overwhelming. I don't think I've ever been as dirty as I was that night. I've spent evenings in the last few weeks pulling tacks and strippy things off the floor. Why did they have to attach the carpet with inch-long nails? Then we noticed that the floor really needs to be refinished because it has large stains all over the place. Also, the previous owners dripped paint in various places during the last remodel. The wallpaper is gone, but now the walls have to be sanded and repainted. We don't know what color we're going to paint them, and everyone has to be involved in that decision. Sleepy hates the curtains so they'll have to be replaced (I despise sewing curtains, but Astro has stepped up to the plate on that one).

We need to get the floor refinished before Astro's stuff comes. We need the walls painted before the floor (that way if anything drips it won't matter). We need Astro's opinion on colors before we can paint. Astro is under enormous stress and won't be able to visit until late April at the earliest -- more probably early May -- and her stuff could start arriving any time from early May on. I see a scheduling clusterfuck approaching.

Oh, and the deck stain that I just put on last fall is peeling. I swear, I followed all the directions! Maybe while I'm getting materials to sand the walls I'll ask about what went wrong with the deck. Either way, as soon as the weather improves you'll find me out on the deck patching the peeling spots and getting in between the cracks (because Sleepy thinks that seeing bare wood in the cracks is "trashy"). That needs to be done before the 17-year cicadas descend because there's no way in hell I'm painting with cicadas buzzing through the new paint.

We've got two sets of friends getting married that I have to make cross-stitch things for, the rose bushes need to be pruned, new mulch needs to be added in all the beds, the garbage disposal is leaking, the folding deck bench is making slow but steady progress, the master bath sinks needs to be recaulked after the faucet extravaganza, and the deck needs painted. This homeowner stuff is overrated.

2004-03-26T14:08:00.000-05:00

Good News
I realize that my last post was really a downer. I want to make sure everyone also knows about the great stuff going on in the world.

An MIT student has invented a way to make eyeglass lenses quickly and cheaply. Now, this doesn't mean much to us in the industrialized world where glasses are easy to get (though expensive). To people in developing countries, though, this is a literal life saver. I also like that he's created a device to determine the correct prescription. Eye docs are undoubtedly alarmed, but this a good thing.

Egypt is doing some great things with pharoahs and history education these days. I particularly enjoyed the dig at the British Museum for refusing to repatriate the artifacts they plundered in the glory days of the empire. Did you notice that USAID helped pay for this? Yup, my tax money at work -- and I couldn't be happier.

My favorite punching bag, John Ashcroft, has the opportunity to make domestic abuse a legal basis for political asylum in the US. I'm hopeful.

A scientist at the University of Nebraska has made a sweater out of corn husks. This is just brilliant. Thanks to Astro for bringing this to my attention. Can we get this guy working on renewable energy or nuclear waste?

A local inventor has patented a continuously variable transmission that may greatly improve automobile fuel efficiency. This is one of those inventions you look at and think, "Brilliant! Simple! Why didn't I think of that?" I hope this gets into mass production soon.

My favorite bit of news for the week comes from Wyoming, the Equality State. It turns out that the natural gas industry has paid a lot of taxes and Wyoming now has more money than they know what to do with. One legislator has proposed that they spend the money on education. Now this is a guy I could vote for! He understands that education is a state responsibility and it's the first thing he thinks of when there's a budget surplus. This is the kind of democracy I'd like to see, unlike those fools in Virginia. My favorite quote is:
"Their universities are open to being raided," Senator Scott said. "I believe we ought to go ahead and do that."
I'm seriously considering sending money to his reelection campaign.

2004-03-26T12:35:00.000-05:00

From the "If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention" files:

I've been saving these throughout the past month. Sorry for the dearth of postings; rationale coming soon.

First, some news from the UN as reported by the Washington Post:

A bloc of more than 50 Islamic states, backed by the Vatican, sought today to halt U.N. efforts to extend spousal benefits to partners of some gay employees.

Okay, I would expect nothing less. This is not at all shocking. I give kudos to the writer for quoting the actual directive:

A U.N. bulletin outlining Annan's new policy says: "A marriage recognized as valid under the law of the country of nationality of a staff member will qualify that staff member to receive the entitlements provided for eligible family members." It also asserts that "a legally recognized domestic partnership" will qualify U.N. staffers for similar benefits.

This seems really straightforward to me. The purpose of the UN is not to legislate a certain way a country must be; it's supposed to be tolerant of pretty much everything. I'm kindof annoyed that these countries are trying to block a common-sense proposal, but not surprised. The very next paragraph of the article says:

The United Nations has recognized polygamy, a common practice in the Islamic world, as a legitimate form of marriage and permits employees to divide their benefits among more than one wife. But the decision to expand that right to same-sex partners has fueled intense opposition.

Now I'm officially pissed! What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

Besides, I think that if the UN is going to recognize polygamy as a legitimate form of marriage full benefits should be given to all spouses instead of being split among them. But then, I have different views of these things than most people.

The next article concerns the IRS. Now, I know everyone hates this particular government agency. But if we want things like interstates, national defense, Medicare, social security, etc -- we must pay our taxes. So when I learn that they aren't going after everyone who owes them money I get a little cranky.

Struggling with rising workloads and stagnant staff levels, the Internal Revenue Service walked away from more than 2 million delinquent tax accounts last year, totaling nearly $16.5 billion, according to the Treasury Department.

I love how they blame stagnant staff levels. This is a prime example of needing to work smarter. Do they not have computers or something? What is their excuse for not doing their jobs? And why aren't they haven't hiring new people? I hear there are a lot of people looking for work.

In written answers to Senate Finance Committee questions, Deputy Treasury Secretary Samuel W. Bodman used the escalating delinquencies to renew a Bush administration push to bring private debt collectors into the IRS tax collection process. Many of the scofflaws would pay up if they were simply contacted by telephone, Bodman said.

Okay, forget my original concern about computers -- we're not even calling them?!?

I'm moving closer to outrage when I notice the sentence about a "Bush administration push". Now I'm wary. "...to bring private debt collectors into the IRS tax collection process." I don't want a private company doing the government's business. I don't like the idea of a middleman. I don't want that information sold to the lowest bidder, so it were. Let's hire some of the managers/processes from those companies and get on with the business of collecting back taxes.

I continue reading with my new awareness intact:

Last year, the IRS opted not to pursue 2.25 million tax cases, costing the government $14.1 billion in individual income taxes and $2.3 billion in corporate taxes, the Treasury document states.

Thank goodness the reporter decided to actually quote facts. I was getting mighty suspicious there for a minute. The only surprising thing here is that they walked away from more individual tax cases than corporate tax cases. I understand that people move and switch jobs, but what is the excuse for not collecting those corporate taxes?

We pause in this article for some Congressional bloviating:

Sen. Max Baucus (D-Mont.), the ranking minority member of the Senate Finance Committee, in a written statement. "The especially troubling fact is that the agency knows who owes these back taxes, but isn't taking the time to make the 30-cent phone call that could result in hundreds, thousands, or even millions of dollars in lost revenue."

Sometimes I wish I lived in one of the "square states". Their priorities and mine share some striking similarities.

Here's the truly alarming part:

According to government budget documents, the amount of money the IRS knowingly left on the table last year equaled 1.8 percent of the total individual and corporate income tax take expected for 2003. It could have fully covered NASA's 2004 budget, the government's international aid programs, or the budgets of the departments of Commerce and Interior combined.

NOW I'm pissed I want the IRS to get their shit together so we can fund international aid. I want NASA's budget not only covered, but expanded. I'm just about ready to volunteer for one of those government jobs. I could design them a database that would automatically generate letters to these boneheads and get the money rolling in within a few months. There is no excuse for this bullshit. I'm excited that one of the Treasury employees agrees with me:

The plan is strongly opposed by the National Treasury Employees Union, which represents IRS workers and wants the agency to increase its payrolls instead.
...
"The question is, who should be responsible for doing the work of the IRS and who should be accountable for it?" asked Colleen Kelly, president of the National Treasury Employees Union.

This last article concerns the space shuttle. I have a loved one who wants to be an astronaut, and the other two of us grew up near the Space Coast. Shuttle launches (and landings, which I really prefer) are ingrained in our memories. Consequently, I will readily admit that I keep my eyes and ears open for any and all information about the space program.

Some of the nation's space shuttles may have flown for 25 years with a potentially fatal problem in the rudders of their tail sections, a NASA official said Monday.

25 years? And we just noticed it?!? I'm alarmed, but glad that this evidently has not caused any problems so far.

some gears in the two-part rudder, which also acts as a speed brake, were apparently installed improperly in at least one shuttle when they were built in the late 1970's or early 1980's.

Two things strike me here. First, why don't they know how many shuttles were affected? Could this have possibly been part of the problem with the Columbia or Challenger?

{This article is particularly poorly written, in my opinion, so I'm moving sentences out of order}

The brake issue was not found as a result of the Columbia investigation, but corrosion and other problems found on another part of the Discovery led NASA engineers to look at similar machinery, like the brake actuators, officials said.

Thank goodness they expanded their investigation!. It's a potentially fatal error. I want the employees involved in the suggestion and decision to expand, as well as those who actually did the checking, to receive an award and big bonus. Of course, now I'm wondering why something as important as this component apparently is hasn't been found previously -- either during routine inspections or during the recent major shuttle overhauls. Thankfully, Mr. Parsons has a response to that question:

Mr. Parsons said he could not explain why a critical part like the speed brake actuator had not been inspected for more than two decades, despite the major overhauls and examinations each shuttle underwent every three or four years. The shuttles are aging vehicles and unexpected problems turn up periodically, he said.

Um, sorry, but that's not unacceptable. I want to know that every potentially life-threatening piece of equipment has been inspected with the proverbial fine-toothed comb. Lives are at risk.

The article discusses in some detail exactly what these components do, and the steps taken to fix the problem. It seems NASA has its ducks in a row as far as fixing the problem, for which I am greatly relieved. The vendor is clearly embarrassed by the situation and intent on fixing the problem.

Peg Hashem, a spokeswoman for Hamilton Sundstrand, said, "We're not proud of this." She added that the company wanted to make sure that "it never happens again."

I'd say the vendor has a better grasp on the situation than NASA. I appreciate that NASA is trying to minimize the concern (this blog is probably the first place you've heard about this, isn't it?) and protect their vendor, but there's only one more thing I want to hear from Mr. Parsons.

I want to know that this incident has caused them to be even more vigilant during their inspections. I want to hear that they've taken the time after Columbia to literally reexamine everything. I have a feeling I'll be waiting for a long time.

There is one other article that rose my blood pressure, but I've waiting too long to post them. Now you would have to pay money to read them (I promise I will do my best to make sure this situation never happens again). It seems that we have more conclusive proof that the administration was withholding information from Congress when they were working on adding prescription drug coverage to Medicare. Pretty smelly, if you ask me.

2004-03-05T13:44:00.000-05:00

Girls Scout Cookie Season is upon us!
As a proud recipient of the Girl Scout Gold Award, I offer the following guidelines for cookie buying:

Do not buy from parents. The girl is supposed to be doing the work; this isn't "Parent Scouting"! Girls earn awards, trips, money towards summer camp, and troop funds based on the amount of cookies they sell. This is supposed to be a learning experience.

Door-to-door selling is best Anyone who has ever sold door to door can attest to its difficulty. When a girl knocks on your door sign up for at least six boxes. View it as an investment in your neighborhood. Likewise, preordering from a girl at church is always a good idea.

Booth sales When you pass Girl Scouts selling outside your local grocery store it's called a booth sale. I always buy from booths if they meet the following criteria:
- they must make eye contact
- ask if I'd like some cookies in a clear voice
- parents should be visible but not intrusive
- the girls must handle the money
- they are wearing some kind of scouting insignia
Ask about the scouting experience Girls should be able to share, without parental assistance, their favorite badge or camp meal.

The older the girl the more I buy It gets harder to sell cookies the older the girl gets; she just isn't as "cute". However, this is the age when they're raising money for big trips (hiking the Appalachian Trail, trip to DC, etc) instead of backyard camping and making crafts out of popsicle sticks. My rule of thumb is to buy a box or two from Brownies (6-8 years old), two or three from Juniors (9-12 years old), six to eight from Cadettes (middle/jr high age), and a whole case from Seniors (high school).

Girl Scouts do a lot of good in the world and cookie sales are their biggest fundraiser. I honestly do not know where I'd be today if it weren't for the Girl Scouts. The women involved in that organization opened my eyes to whole new worlds, often in completely unexpected ways.

And remember, cookies will keep for a year; even longer if you freeze them. What's better than celebrating Thanksgiving with a dessert of Thin Mints? I've found that bearing a box of cookies is an appropriate hostess gift for any occasion.

2004-03-04T14:15:00.000-05:00

Make yourself as a Lego(tm) character. Go on, it's fun.

2004-03-03T15:34:00.000-05:00

Astro got the big scholarship for her PhD!

That's about $25,000 coming to her during years 5 through 7. No one deserves it more. I'm very proud of her. It's about time something went her way. Woohoo!

2004-03-03T12:30:00.000-05:00

Big day in history
I have a calendar, Forgotten English, that I've renewed every year for the past four years or so (It's my Xmas present to myself). I always enjoy tearing off the new page, and sometimes I even learn something! Here's the entries for March 3:

Birthday off William Macready (1793-1873), eminent English tragedian, who was notorious for his unreadable handwriting. He frequently scribbled guest passes that, though indecipherable, became familiar to theater doormen and served their purpose. During one of Macready's American tours, a friend noticed that the pass he had been issued rivaled even a doctor's prescription for illegibility, so he decided to test a theory involving the cipher of doctors. As the unlikely story goes, the friend presented the scrawled pass to a pharmacist the next day as a prescription to be filled. After a few minutes, the druggist returned with a small bottle of a viscous liquid. "A cough mixture, and a very good one," he declared cheerfully, handing the bottle across the counter. "Fifty cents, please."

Feast Day of St. Guignolé. This sixth-century Celtic monk was invoked for deliverance from infertility and impotence, prompting a church in Brest, France, to enshrine a statue representing him with an erection. Despite the covert carvings of a few knife-wielding visitors, the protruding organ has somehow remained nearly complete.

2004-03-03T08:33:00.000-05:00

Wow

2004-03-02T15:46:00.000-05:00

Oh dear

2004-03-02T13:32:00.001-05:00

Holy cow

2004-03-02T13:32:00.000-05:00

Wow